The Breeze

She shivered with envy

when the breeze touched his naked skin..

He got Goosebumps

seeing her quiver in the rain.

Author's Note

Thank you for your time!

Reviews

[Moizz]

seductive and sensual

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the commentary.

[Einstein Noodle]

ohh man! so good!!!~ i love the senryu quality of this one!!! four lines that say sooooo much about love and sensuality .. very fine stuff!
E.
ps. here is one i did a while back .. you might get a kick out of it .. its a little different take on breezes ;)
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/BorgLackluster/1414734/

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your kind review.

[AaronFreitas]

Well penned Jyoti :) I love the picture you created with your words :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Aaron!

[dexterous sam]

a thoughtful approach two different things are contrasted (BODY AND BREEZE) and the sensation which is caused by them ....stupendous

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[E G TEN]

Nicely done Yjoti, a well describe piece of causes and effects
when Nature and Humans engaged,,, natural actions and
reactions.is what usually happens next.. very cool Thanks.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you E G Ten, for your kind review.
P.S.: Its Jyoti, by the way. :)

[Sari Segale]

Sensual!!, exciting!!! perfect and brief , just the essence, amazing work, thanks for sharing.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much!

[Tks]

This is an exciting read filled with imagery and sensuality. It's amazing, keep them coming!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your encouraging words!

[Bear]

Insightful and provocative, I can only imagine where this would go if you developed it into the whole story rather than just this glimpse (hint, hint, hint) let me know if you do I would love to read it as well :~)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Sure thing! Thank you so much for your comment!

[Perkele.7885]

It seems that they are both excited by the reactions to the others body by gentle touches! Breezes and light
rain just might be similar enough to be comparable.
Line # 4 ) I think that the word rain needs to be preceded by the word "the"
The poem has a very pre-sexuality to it that is refreshing!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Yes you got that right.
Thank you for the suggestion and the thoughtful review.

[Edis Radoncic]

this poem has a lot of lust in it. great work!