Bewilderment

just lost..

Time is slipping on the sundial,

taking my life away.

Neither, do I want it to stop,

nor, do I want it to sway.

Let me get down to earth,

maybe, I will live again.

Or let my soul drift free,

passing onto another land...

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is expected.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[Dream Weaver]

Direct and to the point as well as it is compelling. Nicely done young lady...

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much for your kind visit.
PS: your username gives a chill.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much for your kind visit.
PS: your username gives a chill.

[Jerryyoung1z]

Not everyone wants to accept the inevitable(death) like the character in your poem. There is life in death, some even believe in rebirth. A really nice poem.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Anindita Janhabee]

Nice piece once again...
sometimes, we don't get words, just feelings, which are written in few lines but lead to hundreds of thoughts...
time spares none....
we are the followers, don't know where time will lead us, but still we pretend by having aims and goals....
many a things to say, but they are never ending ..........
very nicely done : )
Anindita

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Anindita, for your beautifully profound commentary. Glad you visited.

[Anindita Janhabee]

most welcome... : )

[Deepak Belbase]

A very sensual, a very peaceful demand to let die to never die, like we change our dress our soul change the body... a well crafted piece thanks to share

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the insightful review.

[Solar]

I like the placing of the commas after 'neither, 'nor', 'maybe'...pause-ing time as time passes in the poem's journey of life.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for letting me know!
I appreciate it very much.

[CA Anurag Sharma]

So very well depicted.. can relate to it seriously....the anguish, the love for solitude... good work....

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much, I really appreciate your insights.

[CA Anurag Sharma]

You are welcome :)

[Inject Positivity]

Very well planned and how beautifully you have conveyed 'bewilderment'.....This is so beautiful and i loved the thought....

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much, I really appreciate your insights.

[Riddhi]

very nice poem ....it felt like it is what i want to say...Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts......

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much, Riddhi for your kind words. :)

[Gaurav]

There is another universe you know, where species are not tormented on caste and creed. My imagination takes me there and yours have already visited those. Thanks for sharing :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

That's a beautiful compliment. Thank you very much.

[Gaurav]

You are welcome.

[Gaurav]

it is the coincidence. All writers, including me, want to get free. Thanks for sharing. Its beautiful :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Every soul on this earth yearns freedom.
Thank you for the kind comment.