The Surprise of the Visit

I felt an emotion, which I havent felt in a spell.

Three…

Two…

One….

Old black and white pictures have held my bleating heart captive

Until an unknown identity took a step in my direction

Beckoning all my senses and introducing me to this infection

Black and white….

No longer

With you everything grows fonder

You have given my eyes pleasure

Beyond many other measures

Rare mistress, leave your colorful stain

Paint within my flesh and brain

Embed it deep so forever it’ll stay

I’d never tell you to refrain

You’re the feeling of love that flows into my veins

You’re an emotion...

That I’ll lovingly show devotion

Hail to the queen

Exultant

Author's Note

I love any feedback given. Thank you!

Reviews

[KTizzle]

I felt like this poem explained to me an emotion, instead of showing it to me. The latter is what I would have preferred. I feel like this is a great start to a good idea. I like the exploration of happiness. I feel like there's too many poems about depression and sadness; so this was refreshing. I just felt there could have been more description, for example here, "leave your colorful stain." What colors? What colors are associated with happiness? Perhaps give more senses, how does happiness appear in the brain? Does it come? Slowly, sharply? How do you know it's there?

Also there were some words I read and found them kinda useless. You want to make sure every word has a function. The word "old" in this line, "Old black and white pictures have held my bleating heart captive" Old seemed redundant compared to the tenses you used. I felt the tenses already indicated the black and white pictures were old. I thought the word "infection" was weird there because "infection" is associated with sickness and disease and I presume this feeling was gladly welcomed so I felt that infection was not the right word there. I liked the word "bleating" though. I felt like that was also a word that indicated a transition making "old" redundant.

I loved these lines, "That I’ll lovingly show devotion/Hail to the queen/ Exultant."

Has great potential.

Thanks for posting! Have a great day!