Nothing Else Matters

darling mum

I walked the headlands the other day 

you know the headlands

my favourite walk along the cliffs, 

I told you of walking there often on a Sunday 

as I walked, I realised, I now have my very own angel 

that angel is you 

today I sit here and wonder 

do I deserve you as an angel?

did I love you enough?

I don’t think I did because for those 

who are in the know, 

are aware love is the very fabric of the universe -

nothing else matters 

I am still grappling with ‘how to’

I question why 

awareness of this love secret seemed to pass me by? 

is it because of the abandonment you faced mum, 

when you were no more than four?

removed from your own

mother

father

brothers 

sister

is it because of the abuse you faced mum?

from a man who called himself your father, 

but was not your father, not even by blood

how does one learn outward love, self love, when

their family is torn apart?

what unanswered questions did you carry into the next?

I’m sorry you didn't find the opportunity to ask

darling mum 

you never even said goodbye

maybe you tried to, and 

I refused to stand still long enough to hear your words

if that was the case 

you forgive me, of course you do - but know, I am sorry

this regret shall shape my realm of, ‘I could haves, I should haves’

until the day I depart too

the space you have left mum

has been filled with a reminiscent love 

you are everywhere, you are not everywhere 

it’s hard not to live and think of all of my missed opportunities to 

show you how much I love you 

even in the simplest of words or gesture 

mum, I love you 

how could I know, the

most important lesson you would teach me 

would be done so after your departure 

a simple lesson 

love outwardly, love, allow others to feel this love 

nothing else matters

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was a bittersweet read. I took care of my own mom until her death; the hardest job I've ever done. It was a labor of love. I don't wonder about her destination. She was an angel on earth so just a change of venue for her. But I really miss the lady. (((hugs)))

[KWP]

So many learnings we face along the way ...

Sending love to you and your mom X

[jacob erin-cilberto]

When I lost my parents, I had an epiphany of all the things they taught me that I had not appreciated while they were alive. I do now...And I think we can only hope that our folks who have passed are looking down with some appreciation for whom we became.
This is quite touching, quite moving and quite beautiful.
j.

[KWP]

Hi Jacob, So glad you stopped to read. Your feedback is always inspiring. We live in the world if 'what if's' and we keep learning don't we? Really nice to see you ... send much love X

[Neha agrawal]

It reads like a soul speaking directly to a mother. She knows, she feels it. And I’m sure she’s holding you in every silent breeze on those cliffs. You loved her, maybe not perfectly, but truly and that’s what matters.

[KWP]

Neha - thank you for stopping by. You are right, imperfect love with others is all we have in our connections. Nice to see you here X