I Won't Say It

I thought I was getting better
Accepting the fate that I had chosen
I thought I was learning to accept
What I cannot control
But it all comes clear once you are gone
You are never coming back
When everything I once loved is gone
There's nothing left to take back
I've been searching for a deeper meaning
Something to help me find sleep at night
But Barren fields and broken thoughts
Are all that I can muster when I shut my eyes
I haven't slept since you left
But I've barely slept at all
I wonder how long I can run on these fumes
I've wrote you paragraphs but deleted all my words
If this is truly what you want
Why am I not the only one in pain
I'm just wasting my breath while waiting to go numb
If I've loved you once I swear That's all it takes
Bruised and broken scenes play in my mind
Only to be replaced with happy hopeful thoughts
Once they leave, I am left with this void
Yet you don't f*****g remember at all
I'll give up and give in
I hope you are well
I hope you are happy
I won't say it.