Pieces

Ins; Outs, Ins; Outs--

Studying Earth's Rotation

Talking about Land in another class,

Because taxes really are land 

When it comes down to it

And just seeing that shadowed side of the Earth rotate back and forth

Think 'doom to half the people, dot, doom to half the people.'

Only that dot isn't a mere dot, it's an overriding knowledge

'You know that's okay, we all do, we live it, but that's not what's bothering you is it?'

 

Something said long ago, "Diversity; Specialization..."

What if they just need a moment of still --

We all just need a break

I will protect you, "Diversity, Specialization..." even..

When there's a man in a woods and he just wants to be a man in the woods

He wants it simple, he means no harm

Just walking the woods,

but then you chopped his woods so you could build cherry trees.

So he's just a man in the wood just wanting to be a man in the woods

He wants it simple--

He needs his space.

There just gotta be enough space for all the man in the woods and the cherry trees, and the simple, and the noisy renovation. Taxation, is this going to decide anything? Not it all. Taxation, man in the woods, cherry trees, and

A coins flipping, light heads, or dark tails

The Earth is rotating, like to dark

Just like that quarter on the table--

Where you live decides your world, and so much of your fortune. 

Be loving to the other fortune's

When it come to it, being open is nice, but there's a man in the wood in us.

Author's Note

Still a struggling book Author. Revolutionary Poems by Kally, just a girl thinking bright.

Reviews

[W. Barrett Munn]

Warning shot: I review as if we are both in a MFT classroom and your poem is the one the class is critiquing. It’s only opinion but helpful to know how your poems land on other ears.

You have a whole lot of good wrapped up in this piece but it kind of repeats too much which also makes it go on too long.
I suggest revision to tighten it and reduce its length.

Your poem doesn’t really take flight until the second stanza so that’s where I’d start it and scrap the present opening. That part can be hard but weeding is a necessarily skill of a poet.

[Kally]

You analysis is very appreciated and respected, thank you.