No Time.

My body is as stiff as ice,

about to crack.

How I long to be filled

with free flowing streams.

Trickling waters reflecting the sun.

I am a winter's tree,

feeling so dead and dry,

waiting for spring to arrive.

Waiting to wake up from this dormancy.

To feel the wind twirl through my limbs once more.

To feel alive

My eyelids keep dropping.

My body aching.

My mind depriving me of rest.

So much to to do.

No time to live.

No time for peace.

In the eye of the tornado,

in the middle of madness, it is calm,

but it carries no peace.

For the tornado continues forward while I long to be still.

Too soon my idleness will catch up with me,

Destroy me.

Why mustn't time rest?

Why must it deny time for breath,

time to lay everything out,

to figure it all out,

Time to move past,

Time to live?

Author's Note

What do you think?
If you were to change one thing, what?
Point out your favorite AND least favorite parts.

Reviews

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

I love it!!!! I know exactly how you felt when you wrote this. I wrote something similar to this a few months ago, although I haven't posted it. I'm not sure I would change anything. I love how you talk about the tornado carrying on when all you want is the peace of stillness. I especially love how you capture the feeling of the worlds restlesness in comparison to our desire for rest and stability. Beautiful poem.

[symmetryAsymmetry]

My country, India, is a great mix of varied cultures...some of them come from places of abundance where they grew to be laid-back, peaceful...basically, just chill people...I come from a place where they had to fight hard for survival...we are business people...the former do not understand why we are so driven...so hell bent on earning wealths..
honestly, even I do not...I am one of those black sheep of my society...and I always ask Time the same questions that you have here...

I really liked your poem...especially the way you used rhyme without making it kiddish...the flow seems so natural...it's also very "from the heart"...the third stanza though lacks a bit of imagination...but the rest is superb, especially the last stanza...

[freelancejouster]

i really like the focus of this piece. you have a brilliant way with words. i can feel the haste and stiffness within that i'm sure is purposeful. my favorite lines are these:

"In the eye of the tornado,
in the middle of madness, it is calm,
but it carries no peace."


the thing that i would change is that it almost feels like you're trying too hard. i feel like you decided where the poem was going and you forced the words into place in some sections. take, for example, your first stanza

"My body is as stiff as ice,
about to crack.
I feel so cold.
How I long to be filled
with free flowing streams.
Trickling waters reflecting the sun."

the metaphors are brilliant, but the way that this is arranged just sounds so stiff. the "i feel so cold" just feels misplaced.