Bittersweet

Ah, the bittersweet pains of unrequited love,
The purest of loves

Selfless, and endlessly loyal
The madness, the yearning
For the lover,
The beloved becomes the oxygen they breathe in
Their reason of being
Without this passion, they would be lost, with no direction 
Any reasonable man would declare it insanity
And they would be correct
For love is the most bittersweet of delirium

Reviews

[firabelle]

With a lot of poems, you get this wonderful union of content, metaphor, and rhythm that really makes that poem unique. This, however, is a bit rare. There's a variety of different methods for spiking interest and making your readers draw parallels between main themes in your piece, like putting the same words in a different place with a twist. Maybe try to find a few things that REALLY remind you of love, or describe how this bittersweet-ness tastes, how it feels in your chest, etc. Right now, your poem is good in the content area, but you aren't really describing these "Bittersweet Pains' that your piece is named after. I want to see what this can do to someone, or, (preferably), what it's like to have these "bittersweet pains."

Again, your piece is really great, and I definitely enjoyed reading it and mulling over what the words were telling me, but it would be REALLY good if you put the reader in the narrator's place, not int the audience. It's kind of like this- you want your reader to be the main character on stage, reading the lines, etc. Right now, we'e at the supporting cast member stage. Still, like I said, I really enjoyed your piece, and I can't wait to read more from you!