Success is the death of me

Choose your path wisely

Success is the death of me

Living in my mother's attic

My life was dull but systematic

I remember my teenage years

Pass me by

Without any friends, any love I was just

A lonely boy

 

I fiddled and played with java scripts

Day and Night I rattled my brains on it

Figuring out the hidden pieces

I put together a complex thesis

On how to code the perfect matrix

 

Today I live in such success

Big house, three cars and I dress to impress

I have every need satisfied

Be it money or the warmth between thighs

But I still felt lonely like I did before

I still felt like my existence meant more

 

So I landed in Africa, decided to help the poor

Stayed in the Congo for six months helping refugee's

Until one horrifying day my camp was attacked by a rebel army

Taken hostage, I reflected on my life

Wondering if it's okay to die at this point or stay alive

I decided to live, but it wasn't in my hands

So for the next four months I joined the rebel clan

Attacking medical centers, airports and government officials

I was on a rampage, a killing spree

Had no control anymore, I lost all mercy

 

It was then I began to see that this life in front of me

Wasn't right

I wish I could have stayed that lonely boy

I was before and live a normal boring life

 

Author's Note

Just an idea I had for a movie script actually.

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

As a script outline, I could see it, for sure, if you flesh it out some more. As a "poem" it loses its footing as soon as the protagonist lands in Africa ;-) Do you know anything about script writing? Because if this is an avenue you'd like to explore, I think this would be a very good story...but it's hard, dude...I tried writing a script once and I was like, "screw this s**t" *laugh* and I write novels, for Christ's sake. Anyway...I like the flow of ideas. Maybe look into some script writing software (I tried writing mine on *gasp* paper, so, you might have better luck) :-D

[KeeD]

I'll def look into it, My uncles a script writer from LA but whenever he's down we get to talking about ideas never really got him to teach me any stuff as yet. As for school on the matter I can't quiet afford it myself as yet :D but maybe in the future i'll definitely look it up as a career option

[KAOlmsted]

Cool...and I can say I knew you when ;-)

[David the writer]

Oh wow, great poem and script idea. very unique, flowing, and it trapped me until it was done. Nice work

[Rob Santana]

Good job on this write Big Kee.

[KeeD]

Cheers brother, Loving the new hair cut.. looks good on you.

[Rob Santana]

no new haircut....I just combed my hair,hahaha. It's still long.

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Thats amazing!!!!! This is definately a movie I'd want to watch. I love the story to it. It shows exactly how survival based human nature is. When forced to choose between survival and dying to protect that which we have done to help, in the moment we will usually choose surviving. Unless of course it's to protect our children or something of that nature, but that's a totally different story. Anyway, good job, and I hope to see it someday:)

[KeeD]

:D My first review on this poem and such a lovely one at that :) Thank you :)

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Your welcome:)