The Halloween Party

This story is about two girls that get invited to a Halloween party at their school.

Samira and her sister selena got invited to a Halloween party at school. Samira was dressed up as a witch for Halloween and selena was a princess wearing a tiara crown. Before going to this party their parents offered to drive them to the party to make sure they were safe. As the girls get into the car with their parents they witness older kids throwing eggs at busses and other people's cars as well. The girls parents were so terrified that they began to call the police. A couple minutes later, the police arrived at the scene getting out of their car and arrested the older kids for throwing the eggs. Samira and selenas parents felt more safer when the police arrived they now felt comfortable driving the girls to the party. Once selena and her sister arrived to the school for the Halloween party the parent coordinator at the school informed their parents about paying a five dollar fee to get into the party. Luckily, the girls parents had the money up front and paid for them to get inside the party. From then on, selena and samira were able to see their classmates and friends dressed up in their costumes looking different. There was also face painting being done, arts and crafts, food and music involved as well. Samira and selena decided to play with their friends in a game called Hide and Seek.while selena counted from one to ten samira and the other kids ran as fast as they could to find a place to hide. So they whind up going into a storage room to hide. Once selena finished counting she looked for her sister and other friends to see where they were hiding. So far, it was pretty hard for selena to find them she checked the bathroom, the hallway and cafeteria. She asked some of the people at the party and nobody knew anything. Selena started pacing back and forth worried about where they were. So she started crying and hoping that nothing happened to them. A couple hours later samira and her friends came out of the storage heading back to the party in the Gym room Selena screamed at samira by saying "Where were you guys I've been looking all over for you. Samira replied " We were in the storage room waiting for you to look for us. Selena felt a huge relief to know that her sister was okay. From then on, the girls wanted to do arts and crafts together they had an opportunity to color a pumpkin on paper and glue it on construction paper. As they were doing their arts and crafts project a photographer comes to their table and takes a picture of them doing arts and crafts. Afterwards, samira and selena grabbed a plate of food at the party to eat such as chicken, maccaroni and cheese, rice and peas, collard greens. And for desert they had chocolate cake. They really enjoyed the food it was delicious to them. Before the party was almost over the parent coordinator gathered every child to play the game of truth or dare and whoever won at telling the truth they get to win a Playstation. So every child at the party participated and as they played the game a winners name was announced. The parent coordinator congratulated one student and took a picture of him holding the Playstation in his hand. A couple hours later, parents picked up their kids from heading home. The parent coordinator thanked each and every parent for allowing their children to attend the Halloween party and for their financial donations as well. So far, the kids had an enjoyable time at the party.

Reviews

[JayG]

You’re using the report-writing skills you were given in school. So, it reads like a report, fact-based and author-centric.

Fact #1 Samira and her sister selena got invited to a Halloween party at school.
Fact #2 Samira was dressed up as a witch for Halloween and selena was a princess wearing a tiara crown.
Fact #3 Before going to this party their parents offered to drive them to the party to make sure they were safe.
Fact #4 As the girls get into the car with their parents they witness older kids throwing eggs at busses and other people's cars as well.
Fact #5 The girls parents were so terrified that they began to call the police.
Fact #...

So, as we read, line-by-line, we’re informed on what happened. But…do you read stories to learn of events in the life of fictional people, as if reading a history book?

Of course not. You’re seeking entertainment, which is an emotional goal, and obviously, a progression of facts, one declarative sentence following another, can’t do that.

Your reader wants you to make them feel that they're LIVING the story. They want you to make it seem so real that if someone throws a rock at the protagonist the reader ducks.

Readers want you to make them feel and care, not say, “Uh-huh…I see.” And that can’t be done with the report-writing skills of school. It takes the skills of the Commercial Fiction-Writing profession—skills that have been under refinement for centuries. In fact, universities offer degree programs in it. Would anyone spend years learning those skills if they were optional? Of course not.

So, dig into those skills and take advantage of all that. You’ll find the learning filled with, “So that’s how they do it. How did I never notice that?”

To get you started, grab a copy of Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict from the site linked to below and try a few chapters for fit. I think you’ll find the learning fun, and the effect on your approach to writing amazing.

https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/gmc-goal-motivation-and-conflict-9781611943184.html

Just take your time, and stop to practice each new trick, to fix it in memory and make it yours. Skip that and you’ll forget you read the point a day later.

Not good news, I know. But every successful writer faced and overcame the same problem. Why not you?

For an overview of the traps and gotchas lying in wait, you might check a few of my articles and YouTube videos.

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“In sum, if you want to improve your chances of publication, keep your story visible on stage and yourself mum.”
~ Sol Stein

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain