Exiled

Being on the outside is something I never wanted to experience. Fitting in, being "normal," reaching the standard of everyone around you. It drives me in a way. I want to be seen, heard, and recognized as someone, even when I don't even know who I am. Driving myself into insanity, realizing I can't ever be that girl ever.

I may have touched that potential, grazed the surface of being "her." But can I ever reach it again? Is it even worth attempting again? Or will I be stuck in an endless cycle of being? A cycle I'm stuck in every single day, wishing I could be more, but I know deep down it's not possible. Knowing I will fall short after every attempt.

Looks. The one thing that has always seemed so important. Too skinny, too fat; there is no in-between. I will never be satisfied; I will never be "perfect." I will never look like someone else; I will always be me. I can change, but will I ever leave, or will I live in the back of your mind? Will my whispers continue to be heard every time you look in the mirror?

Fit in. The two words are running through my head every day. But how do I fit in when I feel like I'm on the outside? I'm not even allowed in. I can never be allowed in. I'm not like her. I am the voice in her head, the voice telling her she will never be good enough for anyone. The voice keeps her on the outside, exiled from the reality of being.

Is this who I'm meant to be? The girl who stays outside? The girl who watches life pass her by. Too afraid to live because failure, disappointment, and embarrassment are guaranteed along the way. The one who will never try something new? The one that never allows herself to live, never reaches her full potential. The one who never finds her calling, the one who never grows up into who she's meant to be.

The voice never leaves. I'm always here. In the back of your mind sometimes and your only thought other times. Will you ever fight me? Or will you let me control your life? Let me hold you back? Let me tear you down emotionally and physically? 

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems and please make your reviews brutally honest.

Reviews

[poetic swan]

This piece is a raw and emotionally charged reflection on identity, insecurity, and the relentless pursuit of belonging. The poet captures the internal struggle between self-doubt and the desire to be seen with haunting honesty. Through powerful repetition and vivid introspection, the writing evokes the painful reality of feeling like an outsider—of wanting to be “her,” yet always falling short. It’s a beautifully written and deeply relatable expression of mental and emotional conflict that lingers long after reading.

[Kenleigh Epps]

Thank you for the review!