What is this change in me?

I can’t escape myself
So many times I’ve tried
With slicing of a knife or even firing of a gun
I am my own living hell
I am the beast in the night
And I want nothing more than to take flight!
This is the only time I shall speak for I can feel my darkness coming!
No I am the darkness cold and angry.
Loathing and calm.
No I am caring and kind.
Not anymore... I am nothing… I am gone…
What is wrong with me that this darkness has become me?
To make me not care whether I live or die?
I find myself cold nearly unable to continue moving through everyday tasks.
Yet I do wary wanting it to cease,
But not caring enough to even end it like I once would have.
I am hollow and yet I am in despair…