Her song

i'm sitting to a piano 

while she sits across the bar

writing her a verse 

with her name in revers 

with a cigarette in my hand 

and no one would understand 

she's so sweet to be called

and the room is getting cold 

with my whiskey on a stool 

i sing her like a fool 

but i really don't care 

somebody please tell her 

maybe she can't hear

next week I'll be here 

breathing smoke instead of air 

and I wish she'd be there 

but I'll be leaving on day 

maybe first of May 

i wish to buy her a drink 

but maybe I over think 

but i tell you no lie 

the sparkle in her eye 

is better than your wine 

than the whiskey bottle of mine 

before I end her song 

before I bite my tongue

and play along her game 

a secret is her name 

she leaves without goodbyes

the muse with rainbow eyes

Author's Note

Just an attempt to write down a song

Reviews

[Michael G.]

This has a flavor of the movie "Casablanca" to me... and it also reminds me of time spent in a particular bar.
I once wrote on napkins in a bar. The challenge was the owner, a lovely lady, and her waitresses would give me a word, and I had five minutes to produce a poem. If it was good, I would get a beer. If extra good, a glass of wine. The ones they really liked hung, taped to the wall behind the bar.
Thank you for bringing back a fond memory.

[M.Kilani]

Thank you for your review, poetry is underrated nowadays, especially where I come from, even the young lady I write to does not think much of my poetry. I'd like to have a drink at that bar someday, thanks again for the review.

[YouoweYoupay]

Actually, adding a tune to it, it sounds warm and distant at the same time. A song written in the haze of longing and trying to hold back. There were a few lines that you might want to polish a bit, but this was a good attempt at song writing! I wish I could write songs too. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing, my friend.

-Rain.

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I think you could express your thoughts better if this wasn't AABB. Lines like "but I'll be leaving one day / maybe first of May" seem like they are trying too hard to rhyme and that detracts from the emotions that the narrator is feeling.

[M.Kilani]

As I said in the Author's notes; it's an attempt to write a song it was accompanied with piano when I wrote it, more in Tom Waits' style

[patricia]

atmospheric. great flow. great song.

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful poem and song. I like the flow of thoughts and the realistic ending. Those woman who tease us and run. Leave a mystery and wonder of what could of been. No weakness in the excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote