I Wish

This is a letter to that warlock

Maker of dreams and great lucks

These are my dreams in bold words

The wishes I could always die for

I wish for one being supernatural

To guard me against all disaster

I long for two beings so affectionate

'Father' and 'mother' so immaculate

I wish for siblings - three is enough

'Blood is thickest when tides are tough'

I wish for friends, "why four?" You shriek

Numbers count little in great friendships

Next I wish for that imperfect '5 and 6'

Best of buddies, no little-est of secrets

I wish to live through seven days a week

Counting my blessings, no time to weep

Wish I could have 8 daily hours of sleep

To dream and reminisce of all that'd been

For 9, I would wish nine hearts to touch

Ones to miss me when I do become dust

Finally, at risk of being ungrateful

I wish I could die joyful not hateful

Believing in these words of that very one

"Our love burns on even in death's cold fangs..Eternally"

Author's Note

What do you think..too muchy?

Reviews

[Armanis]

I think, that this requires a lot of work. I can see exactly what it is you were trying to do, and I feel as if this needs to be broken up into stanzas, each stanzas representing each individual wish with a meter that would most likely compliment it in such a way that would make much more sense. Furthermore, I understand you were trying to do a rhyme scheme, and you fell off the wagon a little bit. I recommend trying ABA BCB CDC DCD EDE EFF.
Also, I see some quotations in the poem. I am going to suggest you get rid of these. As a reader, any sign of a quotation, literary means that someone is speaking, or someone is speaking and referring to something that someone said earlier on. Since this is the first time it came up, clearly it wouldn't be the first.
Academically speaking, if you were using quotations it refers to a particular thing that a source is saying and definately wouldn't be appropriate here.
Another commonly used, and incorrect usage at that, for the quotations is when someone is trying to make a reader pay close attention to something. That should never be the case with quotations. This principle which I think you are using, that is trying to draw our attention as readers, should be done with Italics, not quotations.
I have thus written my suggestions of this piece, and then read some of the other suggestions, and the one I see below suggests that you don't drastically alter the piece. I STRONGLY disagree. This still needs work, which I have provided suggestions for you to work from.
I know you can do this, I know you can do better. This has the potential to be something on the book shelf, but first these things need to be revised before it is ready to hit the printer.

[Érenn]

Good work. wondering if you made this one thinking of a contest in mind. The use of numbers one to nine well done. Pretty good flow. Impeccable word choices. Each wish very uniquely expressed. The imagery invoked is quite entertaining. Some of those wishes are something even I wish for so pretty relatable for me. I like the fact you have maintained the structure here. I feel if you could tweak your last line a bit. Feels a little stretched. Maybe break it into two lines add one more word in each that invokes imagery? But that's just my suggestion. The poem rocks!!! ^^ Thank you for sharing ^^

[Krizito]

A contest by little wonders...a poem with 1 to 10.
I'm pretty glad you like it. And sure, it still needs a tab more tweaking.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Don't feel like reviewing your things anymore so from now on just imagine a big plate of positive comments that say something like: jolly wowzers what were you smokin' to get them lines?. Keep up the good work Fritto.

[Krizito]

Ok first, stop with the nicknames; you suck at them.
Second, thank you...I'm truly honoured:)

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

But them sucking is the point. And good.

[barleygirl]

I really like the clever way you've based your wishes on a counting from one to nine (or more). The part that didn't make sense is wishing for 4 friends, but 5 or 6 best buddies. This count doesn't add up to me. Just a small technicality. For each wish, you've stated it in fresh, interesting ways. These are pretty mundane wishes that everyone may long for, but you've made each one special in the way you include details & vivid word choices.

[Krizito]

Actually '5 and 6' is a slang we use to refer to a best friend. "We'll be as close as 5 and 6."
read moreActually '5 and 6' is a slang we use to refer to a best friend. "We'll be as close as 5 and 6."
Thank you so much. Your words do so much work...inspiring me to do even better. Thanks again barleygirl:)