The Writer

Adolescent dreams of fame as

Sparks of language fly to page

The beauty of my woven text

Can only strain a dull effect

Because when words spill from my pen

Not from my heart but from my head

Middle class and private school

I haven't lived enough at all

The greatest success of my time

Was conjuring a foolish rhyme

Desperate about my life

But I don't rule a world of strife

So I'm not writing anymore

‘Cause Poetry is for the poor

Reviews

[LynGeist]

This is very eloquent. I absolutely love the rythymn of the writing. It flows beautifully. I think you are a very wise man and a great writer.

[CecilA]

Lewis,

This is great writing. I truly enjoyed reading your poem and love almost every line. Though you contend in your poem that you 'haven't lived enough at all' I don't believe it. Your story reveals a lot of life lived because you are using all your senses.

I particularly love:

'Sparks of language fly to page'
'The beauty of my woven text'
'Was conjuring a foolish line'


Suggestions:

Would you consider changing 'Can only strain a dull effect' to 'Can only cause a dull effect'?

Would you consider removing 'But' from Line 12?

Bella's idea regarding 'conjuring' is valid. I just like the sound of the word in your line.

What do you mean by 'Cause Poetry is for the poor? I believe you mean poor in spirit not poor in worldly goods. I'm not certain that it's the right ending. I believe it has more to do with you; not 'the poor'. You don't need to rhyme with 'anymore'. Or you could just delete that line and end your poem with 'So I'm not writing anymore.' and let your audience decide your reason from what you've already told us.

These are just my thoughts and not errors on your part.

Thank you for sharing your insightful poem with us.

Sincerely,

Cecil

[Lewis Davis-Norman]

Firstly, thank you so much for a very probing review, its an honour to know that somebody is reading my writing in such depth! I will consider all of your thoughts although I still like 'strain' as oppose to 'cause'. 'Strain' has so much more emotional weight I think, as if i'm really trying to produce something excellent.

In reference to the 'Poetry is for the Poor' line, the way I see it, it is the most important line because it wraps up the whole poem. You see, the irony in what I write is the key. I'm claiming in this line that true poetry is written by those who have experienced social and emotional plight and that no matter how good my writing is, I can only place myself in the shoes of 'The Poor'. No matter how much I despair, I have not experienced that which the desperately poor have. Whether you agree that true poetry is for the poor or not, the idea of this poem is that it sparks that debate and makes you question what you write. Thank you :)

[CecilA]

No problem; just trying to understand your poem. Thanks.

[Nikki Hughes]

This poem could be one of the greatest poem I will ever read.

[Lewis Davis-Norman]

Oh my god, that's a lovely compliment, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

[Lilith]

I like this poem continue to write more for me to read its very good I would like to see other feelings through ur poetry like love heart break nature possibly

[Lewis Davis-Norman]

Thank you :) ny poem 'The Matador's wife'might fulfill your panging for heartbreak. I also have a poem about nature coming up :)

[SwagMaster]

OVERALL: This poem is short and simple, but is full of meaning. I especially connect to this, as this is how I've been feeling the past few months. BUT WE HAVE A GIFT. We can't stop just because of our lack of experience. We have to gain experience. Plus, beautiful poetry is NOT limited to having struggles. Describe something beautiful, something you love, or your loss of something. We still feel pain, too. Write poetry to get experience, and do it so someone can see that despite our and naivety and lack of experience, we matter. This poem is a perfect example of how we can also touch, affect, and/or relate to people. Don't give up.

MISTAKES: No spelling or grammar ones, but you might want to change, "Was conjuring a foolish rhyme," to "Was writing up a foolish rhyme," or something like that.

I am the Head of "The Perfect Review" group. Check it out!