Chapter 3: Notes from the Killer; Realized

Chapter 3

The Hammond police department was a dirty building that should’ve been abandoned years ago. The air conditioning barely had the will to live, let alone the ability to work. There was a constant smell of wet paint and dust, and the detainees from various escapades and incidents were yelling and being overall rowdy, making for a bad work environment, to say the least. The building was small for a police department, considering the daily functions of such a building, even more so that, for a seemingly “small town”, there were quite a few people residing in it. For Jackson Wayne Hanson, the police station nested the two worst types of people; extroverts and criminals. For reasons unknown, the revered detective that could have decided to go to any other city in the world, decided to live and work in some backwater town in the middle of nowhere. Makes for an interesting case, most psychologists say, but anyone with any area of actual intelligence within the realm of both the conscious and subconscious human psyche knows that it’s quite the opposite. Humans, like animals, have a constant sense of needing to belong (whether it be amongst a group or in a space [hence the need for zoo enclosures needing to match the natural environment of an animal properly]) and often need to return to their domain/territory, and will, especially in the most desperate of cases, defy logic or reason to do so, whether it be in a physical or metaphorical sense. This is one of the main functions of the human subconscious, derived from animalistic instincts developed over thousands of years to survive and fight off predators. Really, when one dives into the realm of how humanity functions, it’s often demoralizing how similar the human subconscious is compared to the basic instincts of animals, considering how little thought they’re capable of placing into their actions. And we call ourselves civilized, knowing damn well that humans would enthusiastically eat each other alive if necessary, assuming they didn’t develop a taste for the thrill of the hunt. At any rate, people often try to make sense of the human unconscious, to have a ration and explanation for every response possible. Some use science, which propels you far, I grant you, and the reasoning of science and logic is a great realm to dwell in for all. Others, of course, use religion, which is admittedly more of an egregious sense of explaining the natural world and the human subconscious (which, that argument in itself an entire tirade and an endless rant), yet, also bears some ration and reason in its structure and reasoning (albeit very sparse and far-between). But, any known form of describing the human mind lacks one key piece, and it’s that the human subconscious is so far behind logic and reasoning, it’s incomprehensible to those who use just that to try and understand it. If you had asked me to define the human mind (and also the human condition and experience fit this definition, now that I take the time to contemplate it) in one word only, I would choose the word ‘contradictory’. For example, the mind refuses to be ruled by any external force, yet the mind will constantly stress itself to the point of breaking itself if it cannot control external factors it has no hope of changing. Or also how the subconscious mind is the easiest part of the human mind to comprehend, yet the average man or woman cannot even hope to understand it, the one thing that they are most familiar with. Or how the mind has full control over the body, yet the body’s survival is most often brought about when the mind loses control of the body. Human existence is littered with moments of contradictions, but I digress. The act of contradicting oneself is, in effect, the one defining factor of mental fortitude. As I've mentioned before, a wire is strongest when it is taught. The mind is the same in that retrospect. However, there is a moment between being taught and being slack where a rope is at its peak resistance. That limbo is specifically the state one must achieve and maintain to be considered supreme in whatever situation they may find themselves in. Most people cannot realize the steps to maintain this state, even though they understand the steps necessary to maintain it. Oftentimes due to succumbing to primal desires, instincts, temptations, or any other number of possible shortcomings. Point being, the correct state of limbo for the mind to achieve is difficult for most, and unattainable for some. There is a likely chance you may read this and be both incapable of comprehending or even beginning to understand what I am meaning, and also incapable of ever learning. Not all are capable of becoming this way. For any number of reasons, ranging from something as simple as being too stubborn to really be willing to change, to a reason such as genetics, being the fact that some people are genetically incapable of meeting the demands that this limbo will create, and their genetic makeup may never be capable of supporting their expectations of results in this limbo. However, those who are capable of finding this place and maintaining their grasp on it have become some of the most notable individuals throughout history. Various warmongers and philosophers are perfect examples of this, but again, I digress. Those who are incapable of ever reaching this state can make the valid argument that I speak in only general terms, and the path to such a state is strictly personal. This is correct, and in the full sense. I cannot lead every individual down this path. As a matter, barely anyone, if not no one, would be even able to take a similar path to mine. This statement is not of ego, but of fact. Every path to limbo is dependent on the person, their level of intelligence, their environment, and thousands more external factors I don't particularly care to list out right now. This is because of how the human mind is structured and how it adapts to the situations given. I speak in very general terms because attaining this state is a very general process. Enlightenment isn’t exactly a wide umbrella to walk under.

-Notes from the Killer; Realized