One Drum from Oklahoma

A poem about a "drum" (drum and singers) at a powwow, making music for the dancers, and for love and joy.

Under the largest oak, six or eight people

sit around a drum to play and sing,

and the drum is big. The sound of it

is the heartbeat of earth and of a child

and of each drummer, who also sings

songs that follow brooks and streams

to rivers that flow, just as fast, and fill

foundations left empty by the drum

that pushes up mountains from earth, and

rivers fill these to make lakes that reflect

dancers, who are percussionists, every one,

who high-step, nod, twirl, go toe-to-heel

with their jingles, bells and shells that

sound like creek and drum, earth-beats,

wondrous and eternal, while singers rain

sound in and around the drum, forever.

Until it stops, boom on a dime,

and all pauses 'til next time.

Author's Note

Please tell me if the imagery is effective, if it's powerful enough - and let me know if the ending works. Constructive critiques are welcome. Thanks!

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

This poem is so visual. I found myself transported, watching that pow wow. Your imagery is wonderful and there are some lines of excellent poetic expression. I particularly enjoyed the second stanza. Great imagery, but you also gave me sound and that made the experience even better. The ending adds contrast. From the songs to the silence. Very nicely done.

Chris

[LJ]

Sorry I'm so slow to reply - and will be quick to say I very much appreciate your comment! It's encouraging and seems written by someone who has been there. The ending has always been a little dicey for me, so I like seeing your opinion. Your comment ranges over the entire poem, and that's great to read! Thank you again. You're very kind. :-D
LJ

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I loved this I’m hopeless I can’t give good edit reviews as I’m not an accomplished writer just a very ad hoc freestyle Person
But felt this was indeed perfect from start to finish
I didn’t see the music but could feel it in your words like the picture you posted as well
I say well done 👍

[LJ]

First, you're not 'hopeless' at giving a review. You just gave one, like anyone else here.
Second, most people are not "accomplished writers" and I don't think one exists all the time - I think an accomplishment is to finish one piece and hope it works, which can only be judged by readers. Then write another one. (-:
Third, thank you so much for your very nice review. You made me blush with the word "perfect." I don't see that, but I do get that you enjoyed this and that makes me happy.
Thank you, "freestyle person"...good!

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Thanks 🙏 well I did like it and have reviewed a few others of yours

[Gabriel B.]

I think my favorite part about this poem is the rhythm or flow of the first two and a half stanzas. I felt as if I was listening to the beat of the drum itself through the poem. I very much like this particular ethos of poetry production, where the subject and the poem share one form. I think this is why I find the last four or five lines less compelling than the rest. It seems like the poem lost its rhythm a bit, or I lost my connection to it somehow. I do like the concept of stopping on a dime for this poem, though; I might toss the rhyme of dime and time to add continuity to the piece, but I think that is personal to my aesthetic. This is probably my favorite poem of yours. Great work!

[LJ]

Thanks! I like the specificity in your comment, and in fact would appreciate more... I'm very open to edits and rewrites. I'll try to find where you stumbled and fix it soon. I'm very pleased you liked most of this, and that you felt that drum! :-D

[LJ]

Gabriel, did you see the edits done tonight? Will you please reread and let me know what you think? Thank you!

[Gabriel B.]

I like the changes! I think they did a lot towards resuscitating the tone. I do think the phrase 'beautiful and eternal' has a little less impact than the rest of the poem because it is a phrase I've seen repeated often, but otherwise I don't see much to critique!

[LJ]

Thanks! A lot. I changed "beautiful" to "wondrous" and kept "eternal" because that's a true thing. I understood immediately that the phrase was too cliche before - once you pointed it out.

[Unspoken poet]

I really enjoyed your last two lines, This is wonderful, much enjoyed this

[LJ]

I'm so glad you liked this! Thanks for telling me so, and for your mention of the ending. (-:

[Olivia Schroeder]

I loved this piece a lot. I think the imagery is amazing and I can really visualize the scene. I also really enjoyed the ending a lot. It was a good way to end it suddenly just like the music would end.

[LJ]

That's great. You saw it just as I meant. Thank you!