Sand

First Draft

Slipping between my toes,

falling with the earth.

I smile and close my eyes.

Rough against my skin.

I open my eyes,

time to wake up!

But I am trapped,

I am drowning in it.

Hiding in my shoes,

and impossible to catch.

Always Slipping.

Always Falling.

It's in my ears.

It's in my hair.

Scratching my eyes,

It catches in my breath.

I have found it...

It Screams!

"Where is her hope along the shore?

Her dreams in the sunset breeze?"

An Epitaph to my dreams,

killed beneath an Evening Star!

Author's Note

Any elicited thoughts?

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

I found it amusing how at first this felt like a simple description of trying to get sand out of your clothes, and off your skin (which is surprisingly difficult); but as the poem flowed down it became more and more sinister. No longer did it seem like some innocent sand on the beach, but rather that it is trying to crush, stifle, and erase you under its pervasive grasp. Add onto that the ending, as it screams an epitaph to dreams... and the ambiguity of the final line; you have an interesting write here. Really leaves you wondering what the connection is between the 'Evening Star' and this Sand... the shore, dreams, and the sunset breeze... Very surreal, you know how I adore surrealism.

[AprilRN1210]

Hmmmm, thoughts?... I think this is pretty awesome.. It has vivid imagery, short powerful lines, and the flow is intense and exquisite.. makes me excited to read more!! well done ma'am.. I thoroughly enjoyed.. :)