Entry to Murder

This psychological thriller is a journal entry from an abused crime victim. It's a balance between tortured and torturer. How do you turn the other cheek when the crime is invisible and beyond cruel.

I hate you. I mean it- I really hate you! Today you drove by my house. You old repulsive hateful b*****d. Oh I see you have a new friend. I see he is growing a mustache. I bet he thinks he is so sexy. Another sick man. 

They say that Newton is a nice city but with people like you living there- well there goes the neighborhood! 

Oh forgive me for being so judgemental but criminals seem to bring out this angry side of me. 

When I saw you, I thought of myself sending you a text like YOU Sick b*****d I am going to put you in prison.  Then I thought, I don't want to text you. I want to beat you. Stab you. Put a nice baseball bat to your depraved head.

Guess who is becoming depraved! Oh, I told myself I wouldn't go down this road. I can't change people. I am not the police or attorney general. 

I want to make it to the promise land. Thinking like this won't get me there. I already walked thru Hell and I am never going back there again. Even was considering changing my name to Virgil like the person in Dante's Inferno. I don't know why I met you. I mean, I thought he was an ordinary human. Nooo, I went to the insane asylum after I met him. I am here and FUMING!! I want to burn your beautiful house on that quiet street to the ground. I want to torture you but I want to be a NICE person too. Impossible. You can't be a torturer and a kind compassionate human being. Geez, if anyone reads this they might call the police and tell them that I'm planning a murder. Not planning. just angry. Okay, I am planning to get you good! Oh, this journal stuff is not as cathartic as they say. What am I going to do? I can't plan to kill you. I don't like violence. I'm a lover not a fighter. Yet I am fighting the good fight right here in my brain. I've killed you a thousand times.