Prologue?

The pounding in my head and the fast beating of my heart were my only signs of fear. Meaning that only I knew I was scared. If I didn't show it on the outside and ignored it, I wouldn't be scared anymore. Right? I honestly tried. I thought that would work, but before I could even try and hold back the tears, the pain in my stomach became too much. I'd fallen to the floor, in a ball as I was kicked and beaten by him. The hunger, the abuse, the weakness was all too much for me, ending this life and moving on to another just seemed so much easier then having to endure this, but when was I ever taught to take the easy option? I blacked out and the next thing I saw was darkness, pitch black darkness.

Author's Note

future chapters will be longer, its a prologue

Reviews

[JayG]

• The pounding in my head and the fast beating of my heart were my only signs of fear.

Look at this, not as the all-knowing author, but as a reader who arrives with zero context, must:

Someone unknown, in an unknown place, of unknown age, situation, background, and gender, is, for unknown reasons, confident that something/someone unknown won’t be able to tell that they’re afraid, for unstated reasons.

In short, unless immediately clarified, it’s meaningless.

• Meaning that only I knew I was scared.

So...the opening line just told the reader exactly that. And now, you’re translating the initial 18 words with 8 additional words? Why, when you could have said the same thing with: "Ignoring the fear that I hoped didn't show, I..." Done that way, you open with action, not lecture.

• If I didn't show it on the outside and ignored it, I wouldn't be scared anymore.

Scared of what? Unless the reader can apply context and backstory to the situation, this could be someone auditioning for a part in the school play, a gladiator in ancient Rome, or ANYTHING else. So while you’re talking TO the reader, about a situation that’s clear to you, the reader has zero context to make your words meaningful.

• Right?

Take this situation, where a story opens with: “John, you truly are a b*****d.”

How did you read those words? As a snarled insult? As laughing praise? How about as the words of a doctor giving the result of a DNA analysis? Or, as...

My point is that unless the reader has backstory that provides context, or, can hear the emotion in the storyteller’s voice, that short sentence can no more work than does your opening.

For you though, who have both, AND, mental picture of the situation, it does work, perfectly. And since it the problem the reader faces is invisible, and, you’ll not address any problem that you don’t see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

It’s unrelated to talent, or writing skill. The problem is that we never realize that the writing skills of school are 100% nonfiction, taught because reports, letters, and other nonfiction writing that employers require, are all we’re given there. And that simply cannot be made to work for fiction, which has as its goal, entertaining the reader, where nonfiction’s goal is to inform.

Not good news, I know. But given that it’s a trap that catches pretty much all hopeful writers, you have a LOT of company. And, it’s fixable—though the fix is more than a few “Don’t do that. Do this, instead.” suggestions Writers have, after all, been refining and expanding the skills of fiction for centuries.

As Wilson Mizner put it: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So...research! Dig into the skills of the profession with a good book on the basics, like:

Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict.
https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/gmc-goal-motivation-and-conflict-9781611943184.html

Jack Bickham’s, Scene and Structure.
https://archive.org/details/scenestructurejackbickham

Dwight Swain’s, Personally? Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer.
https://dokumen.pub/techniques-of-the-selling-writer-0806111917.html

That last one, though an older book, is my personal favorite, because it’s the book that brought my first yes from a publisher. After writing six always rejected novels.

And for it might be worth, my own articles and YouTube videos are meant as an overview of the traps and gotchas like the one that caught you.

Jay Greenstein

Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“In sum, if you want to improve your chances of publication, keep your story visible on stage and yourself mum.”
~ Sol Stein

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing.