I Wanted To Say This to You Before You Left, but the Depression Made Me Numb

I know that I would be the last person to be awarded with a ‘Girlfriend of the Year’ trophy;

I snap at you for no apparent reason and constantly whine that I’m not good enough for you.

Most nights, I cry so many tears that I could drown myself in them, and when you ask me what is wrong I reply with “I’m just tired.” In a way, it’s the truth- I’m tired of feeling sad all of the time and I’m tired of being controlled by these powerful and taunting demons that entice me into acts of damnation. I admit that I am not being fair when I let you see me destruct this way. I know that watching me hurt is hurting you as well.

But how dare you treat me like I’m a f*****g grenade. How dare you distance yourself as far away as possible from me as if I am about to explode. And how dare you give up on me so quickly. Because behind these sad eyes and past this depression, there is a girl that truly loves you. A girl that needs you. And I know that getting better would be the cure to keeping you in my life, but stealing the stars out of the sky seems more possible right now than exterminating this sadness that resides inside me. Yet it will help a lot if you’d just be there for me; if you would just hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. But even though I know that everything isn’t going to be alright the second the words slip from your lips, it will be if you never let me go, as I can only slay this beast called depression if you are holding my hand.

Author's Note

This is not a story about me. I wanted to write a piece about someone who gave up on their partner due to depression. I'm also thinking of writing a piece from the boys point of view too, let me know what you think.

Reviews

[wordman]

sounds like a real life story for a lot of people
only you the depressed can kill the demon within

[Matt Sayer]

This is a dead-on reflection of the effects of instability. I can really relate to what you have written here, and whether or not you have experienced this for yourself, you have struck all the major chords of depression and its debilitating drag on a relationship. Reading this genuinely feels like you've pulled a page out of my history book. Excellent work! :)

[Raymond Federle]

An emotional and well thought out write. You capture the sense of the desperate frustration of mental disorder well. Needy, passive -aggressive and denial are all strong present factors in this piece. Well done! :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

A cathartic write, and as usual you write courageously.

[Lyn Anderson]

a really poignant piece, looking at the side of the depressed person. I would challenge you to look at the side of the person who gave up on the depressed person, and why they did that.

[Child of God]

This is very well written, I've known a lot of people including myself that have felt this way. good job kido