Dawning

Chapter I

If there was such a thing as unadulterated bliss, then I was beginning to believe I was experiencing it. It was so unspoiled in the morning’s orange light reflecting against the ocean of Monterey. The sun’s arms reached over, and embraced what had been covered in darkness. The rays were warm, and were very much welcomed as I stood next to the window in my room. My happiness seemed almost interminable today. My smile only gave away half of what I was feeling in that moment. There wasn’t a single word, not even a single sentence that could reveal this bursting, and teeming happiness that was beginning to fill me. It was spilling over like a cup of water filled to the rim with plentiful more surges continuing to quench its thirst. I couldn’t help but mull over how long this seamless pleasure could last. Amidst my thought, the imperceptible sound of movement had caught my attention.

 

Next to me, there was a flutter of wings and chirrups filling my ears. It was a sweet sound. The small canary had been awakened long ago, but hadn’t made a sound until now. I giggled as I stared at the bright yellow bird flap about in his cage, his wings ruffling when I nudged it gently. The bird hopped precariously on the length of the rod in his enclosure, while his cage continued to rock back and forth, slowly, but steadily. The bird tweeted, almost angrily, and spread out his left wing and initiated in cleansing himself. I rolled my eyes at the canary and turned away from the window at last, to see myself standing in the white garb I had put on at daybreak.

 

I advanced closer towards the mirror in order to inspect myself for the umpteenth time that morning. It wasn’t unusual for me to glare at myself in the mirror. I was in fact normal for the most part, except for the outstanding violet objects I had on my face. They were the first thing that I looked at, because that is where I saw everything. They were what viewed the reflection of myself, the world, as well as everything else; my eyes.

 

“Stupid things,” I muttered to myself, placing my fingertips on the reflection of my eyes. “The least you could have done was to give it to the blonde one.” I continued to grumble, making faces at my reflection.  I scoffed at myself, and finally turned to the side grabbing a handful of my mousy brown hair. I shook my head, letting my hair fall down to my shoulders again. “Well,” I stated, “at least you look nice.” I grinned goofily and walked over towards the edge of my bed settling myself down on it. I sat there quietly listening to the clamoring going about in the kitchen. The pings of metal hitting against metal seemed much louder now that I was paying attention.

 

There was very few voices coming down the hall, but my mind switched to an obscure noise coming from beneath my pillow. I found myself unconsciously reaching over towards my pillow, sliding my hand over it, and gripping my cell phone in my hand. Glancing at the caller I.D. it read: ‘Charles Brontë’. I stared at the name, clutching the small object in my hand, while it continued to play its melody. The canary chirped, not only singing to the phone, but causing me to break out of my astonishment. I pushed the answer button to my phone, and held it to my ear, breathing out slowly.

 

“Hello?” I said timidly into the phone’s receiver. I waited for a response, and looked at the screen of the phone to make sure it hadn’t disconnected before I called out for him again. “Hello? Dad?” By this time, my hands were shaking. Why had he called?

 

Over the line I heard my father clear his throat. “Good morning, Dessa. Did I call too early? I wanted to call you before you went to your graduation assembly.” His thick, sugar coated English drawl called out towards me. He sounded worried, with a slight tone of complete exhaustion.

 

I let out a sigh of relief, smiling once again. “No, you’ve called me at the perfect time.” I felt the tears prick my eyes, and I laughed them away. If today could get any better, I would fear that I would faint from it all.

 

“That’s good.” He spoke awkwardly. There was a pause, and I waited for him to continue on. “I am so very proud of you Dessa.”

 

I bit my lip, and gave a choked laugh. “Thank you Dad.” I blinked several times. I was going to cry.

 

“Well, I hope you have a splendid time, because you deserve every moment.” Another pause; very brief. We were both equally nervous, but he was trying so hard. “Oh!” He gasped, and I jumped and leaned into the phone more. “About those graduation parties Odessa...”

 

“Yes? What about them?”

 

“Don’t assimilate to the American way, or any way in that matter, to the point where you’re on the floor talking about handsome pink ponies.” I broke out in laughter, burying my face into the pillow in my bed. My dad was chuckling too. “Well Dessa, I best be traveling my way under the sheets of my comfy bed. Unfortunately, I have work tomorrow, so I’m sorry that this bloody time difference causes a barrier between us speaking.”

 

“It’s okay,” I said, “I understand.”

 

“Well, goodnight Odessa. I hope you know that...that I love you very much.”

 

I swallowed hard, “I do too.” After our goodbyes I promptly shut off my phone. I dropped it on the pillow I had planted my face into and stared at it for a moment. I blew my hair out of my face and rolled over on my back to see a well-dressed blonde woman standing in my doorway.

 

“Can you explain to me why exactly you’re lying down on that bed? You have your graduation in about half an hour and you’re dawdling?” I sat up straight smoothing my hair back down. I stood up, simultaneously putting on my heels.

 

I bit my lip, smiling. “Dad called. He wanted to tell me he was ha�"” My mother cut me off.

 

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to walk in those shoes?” She motioned towards the black heels I had slipped on. Her face was rather distracted, and it was almost distant; although there was a slight flicker of anger that was beginning to spill slowly across her face. What caused her to act like this? Why, it was simply because I mentioned my dad; my biological father and not the one who had just left to pick up my half-sister from her friend’s house.

 

I sighed, and fingered my gown. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can hold out long enough. Not a big deal.”

 

“Just making sure. You can’t even walk in socks correctly, let alone heels. I don’t want you falling on stage or anything like that. I’m just looking out for you.” Her eyebrows were furrowed, almost as if I wasn’t taking her seriously. She always had a habit of thinking we were always joking around like that, but I couldn’t imagine not taking her seriously. Her eyes held all the power.

 

“I know you are.” I frowned, moving unsteadily in my heels. “Hey, would it hurt to knock when you walk in my room?” I motioned to the door. “It’s the least you can do.”

 

“Doesn’t matter.” She shrugged. “Anyway, grab your graduation cap and start heading out to the car. I’ll be there in a couple of moments.” She stuck a bobby pin in her mouth, and went forth in pinning up her hair silky blonde hair in a bun. “Hunter might be late when he arrives. He still needs to take Natalia back here so she can take a shower.” I frowned when she turned out from my room and traveled down the hall. I had to admit, I wasn’t exactly ecstatic that Hunter was going to come along.

 

Hunter was the kind of person where, when you meet him at first, he was the biggest, and sweetest of people you could meet. He was raised in a family of military, and so it was only right of him to follow these steps in which his father and his grandfather had taken. He was taught respect, but what he had learned most of all in the military was trickery. I had wool pulled over my eyes when I was small. For some reason or another, I believed that he was not only there for my mother but he was there for me too. Yet, I was lied to, or I allowed myself to bed lied to. Hunter was charming for my mother, and a very good father to Natalia, but he disliked me with as much passion as he did some presidents that he thought shouldn’t have ever came into election (He had custom made bumper stickers about them�"that should tell you something). Since I had hit my pre-teen age I was the ramble-rousing, ruckus-causing teenager. If I wasn’t doing anything bad now, then I would be later. It was a motto for him. Yet, even before then, he had kept me at arms length. He never got close too me, not because he thought he would get attached, but because I wasn’t the blonde, brown-eyed beauty that Natalia was. He couldn’t mold me by the time he came into my life. He couldn’t make me into something he wanted as he was able to do with Natalia. Natalia was the flawless beauty; the child that could do no wrong. The poster child of integrity, benevolence, and delight; she was the pearl, nay, angel, that was sent into the hands of my mother and Hunter. This was the astronomical pedestal that Natalia was placed on.

 

It was very easy to see that Hunter would give anything in order to just have a life of normality between all three of them. He didn’t want to be the one known as the man who was taking care of child that was not his. But, this could not happen. My mother had no one to send me to except my father in Britain, and she would not send me there. As obedient and docile as my mother was to Hunter, she would not abide sending me to my father. She hated talking about him. She evaded all questions and conversations about him as much as she could. Like today she had no patience to listen to me talk about how kind he was for calling me on my graduation day.

 

I sighed, picking up my graduation cap and walking down the hall and out the door to head towards my mother’s car. Today was particularly sunny, but it was a beautiful day with the sweeping of the wind brushing across my face. I chewed on my bottom lip hoping to suppress the growing smile on my face again, but it was too late. The smile was like a disease, and at this point I couldn’t do much about it. What did it matter to me if someone rode past on their bike and saw me smiling, or laughing, at something that wasn’t visible to them? Nothing. Well, I would prefer not to scare my neighbors...

 

I planted myself in the car and set my cap into my lap. It may have been a nice day outside, but with the windshield it was like the sun was being magnified on my face.  I turned to look outside, pressing my cheek up against the cool glass. I glanced at the sun. It was rising higher into the sky, its brilliant rays causing me to wince in the midst of my staring.

 

Soon after my eyes were beginning to water, my mom jumped into the driver’s seat talking loudly into her Bluetooth. She stared at me for a minute, giving me a funny look, before shaking her head and starting the car. I laughed quietly to myself as I felt the car jerk forward. My heart was beginning to pound hurriedly up against my chest. It felt as if my heart was a drum, and someone was hammering against it. My joy was still evident, as I sat in my seat. A smile still lighting up my face, but there was a new feeling beginning to surface.

 

My stomach churned.

 

I was going to be presenting the final goodbye to all of my peers. It was nerve wrecking. I was never one to present in front of people, and if I did it usually followed by shallow breathing and stuttering. I blame the president for leaving this on my shoulders. Why did she have to drop out today of all days?

 

In the distance I saw the tall building of my school. It was spread out widely. I sucked in a breath nervously, and felt my hands shaking. This was it. This was it.

 

After my mother pulled in to the parking like she told me she would wait in the car for Hunter and Natalia to arrive. I managed to get out of the car without a word and on through the crowds of people in their graduation outfits. I searched quite awhile for the person I had been looking for. Right and left, until finally a spec of blonde caught my eye. Well...I wouldn’t really call it a normal blonde. It was more platinum, and far from natural.

 

“Orlando!” I shouted, waving my hand above the crowd. I refused to jump in these heels. He turned back, his contacts shining an illuminating ocean blue today. “Over here!” I laughed, squeezing my way through the crowd. Orlando had been a wonderful friend to me in the past. He was gay, but rather handsome. He was the most athletic person I knew, and could probably take down the entire football team if he wanted to. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but I have a lot of faith in him, athletically. From the distance I was at I could see a shorter person standing behind him. This, I knew to be Jack, his boyfriend.

 

“Hey there!” He laughed, waving towards me as I neared. “I knew I heard you call. It’s about time you got here.”

 

“Sorry, I was getting dressed.” I shrugged, smiling. I stared at Jack who was holding on to Orlando’s arm possessively. I took this time, to reach over and take Orlando’s hand in mine. “Can you believe we’re graduating? I’ve been having the urge to throw up all day.” I laughed.

 

Jack slapped my hand, “You’re doing that on purpose!” Jack screeched, hugging Orlando. His eyes were reprimanding. Of all the people to be jealous of, it was me; the girl with a boyfriend. “Don’t touch him, he’s mine!” Jack pouted, and nuzzled his face into Orlando’s graduation gown. Speaking of gowns, much like my graduation gown, all three of us were dressed in white, which signified we were all in the top ten percent.

 

I laughed, putting my hands up in the air, as if defending myself, “Okay, okay. I just wanted to do that for the last time.” I sniffed.

 

“Awe, c’mon Dess. You know that ‘aint possible!” Orlando patted my hand around Jack’s torso. “We’re not going anywhere. Besides, you, me and this here wolf”�"he patted Jack on his black curls�"“are going to go to the after party.” He winked. “Of course if you don’t have any plans with your loveable boyfriend.”

 

I laughed, “No. He hasn’t called me once today! But, he was supposed to be going out of town. So...” I shrugged.

 

“Well I think he was going to surprise you. He’s by the entrance of the auditorium. You might want to meet him now. I need to know the scoop, yo!”

 

I felt my cheeks rise in temperature. “Chris is here?” I spoke quietly, and dropped my eyes down to the floor. I thought for sure he would call me, but he didn’t. Instead, the most amazing thing he could possibly do was be here to see me.

 

“Of course he is! Would I lie to you?”

 

Jack cleared his throat, “Well, I’m glad for ya. So why don’t you go on and skedaddle on out of here, hm? Hurry and meet your boyfriend.” He scowled. The look on his face told me I was not welcomed. I could take a hint.

 

“Okay Jack, I’ll get out of your hair.” I waved goodbye, if only for a moment, and sprinted towards the door. By sprinting I meant I was taking long, slow strides, while trying to keep my balance on my heels.

 

Chris wasn’t hard to find. His tall form was easy to spot over the exciting, hysterical teenagers. The door was practically being avoided, telling me that even if they were all very excited, they seemed to be longing for what used to be. Behind that door was the end for everyone here, but tomorrow a long stride towards adulthood. Chris’ head moved, overlooking the crowd of teenagers. His brown hair moved atop his head, and his eyes scanned the crowd once more before his eyes met mine. They were strange, in some ways. It seemed his face was drained from every emotion, but I brushed it off for the time being.

 

“I thought you would be out of town already.” I said when I had arrived at his side.

 

Chris shrugged coolly, “Yeah, well, I thought I would come see you first.” There was a rich scent of mint on him. Although he was dressed in basketball attire, he still had this amazingly, handsome look to him.

 

I smiled, “Thank you for coming to see me.” I pressed my lips together. Far from this handsome man, I tended to worry if perhaps I said too much. I look at myself and don’t see a pretty enough girl to be with him. He and I had been dating for over a year now, but he was already out of High School, and in college, being a year older than me. Chris was so kind, he was always there for me, even when I was crying, which was quite often. How he stood it, I had no idea.

 

“Listen Odessa...” Chris began, trailing off. He leaned up against the wall crossing his arms. I tilted my head furrowing my eyebrows. “We need to talk.” For a moment my heart trembled, as did the rest of me. That line was so cliché, it made me sick. Wondering and hoping�"no pleading�"that whatever it was he wanted to talk about it was just merely that he wouldn’t be able to return for quite a while.

 

Somehow in my panic stricken state, I managed to smile. “What is it you need to talk about?” I was trying to convince myself that nothing was going to happen. That he just needed to talk, and that’s all it would ever be. Yes, to talk, that’s all it was. And when he would leave, he would kiss me goodbye normally, saying that he was so sorry he wasn’t able to attend my graduation, but he would promise me that he would try and come back as soon as possible and spend time with me until the end of the world is met. He would then proceed to wave goodbye, smiling, and that would be it. That would be the end, and a brief relief would wash over me, and I would smile so wide that it hurt my cheeks. How I really wished that were the case.

 

Chris sighed, and looked to the side. Examining the people again; stalling.

 

Why aren’t you looking at me in the eyes? I thought in a panic.

 

“I’m going to make this quick, okay? I don’t have much time.” He finally looked at me, speaking indifferently. It wasn’t Chris. It wasn’t the man who had taken me in and accepted me. He was different. Far different. “I’m looking for something different Odessa. So, like, it’s not you, it’s me.” Cliché, cliché, cliché. “I’m really sorry; I was hoping that this would work out, really.” Liar. “I just wanted to tell you that before I left.” B*****d. My thoughts hissed at him.

 

“Thanks a lot.” I said, stunned.

 

“Sure. No problem, babe.” Even though I didn’t say those words they left a bitter taste in my mouth. “Well, I better get going my ride is waitin’ for me.” He jabbed his thumb in the direction behind him where a black, sleek car sat idling by the curb. Before he left, he rested his hand against my cheek. At first I thought he was going to tell me he was just kidding, but the words never left his mouth. I stood there for moments, staring as he walked away. It hurt. I felt as if I was being tortured from the inside, and it was slowly beginning to tear its way out. Of course, with my luck, I was never able to cry.

 

The ceremony started.

 

Orlando and I took our places on the stage as several other people did. The amount of time passed was all a blur. Even while I was there shaking hands with our principle who called out our name, and taking my diploma, I didn’t even know if I smiled and waved towards my mother as she sat there with Natalia and Hunter. At some point, I just tuned everything out. The crowd clapping and cheering as the next person was called. I didn’t even notice Orlando or Jack get up to take their diploma. I felt bed, but even that didn’t help my focus. My mind was somewhere else. As if I had gone down the right lane of a diverged road, whereas my body was traveling in the other direction. Orlando noticed which is why I suspected he touched my hand gently. The final time he touched my hand was because I had apparently not heard my name being called to read the letter I had written.

 

I took a deep breath.

 

I rose to my feet, walking slowly over towards the podium. The auditorium lights seemed twice as bright as I stood there, and looked at the crowd. I did not say a word as I stood there. Everyone was completely silent, eyes penetrating me and reading my soul as if I was the laminated piece of paper that was placed neatly in the binder.

 

I swallowed with difficulty and began: “Hello parents, friends, and of course class of 2010.” My voice felt tiny and I could feel it starting to lose its compelling foundation underneath the hysteria that was going beneath my skin. “We all stand before you now grown and matured adults. Time has taken away some of our greatest moments, but I think I can speak for all of us that it was a time well spent in these few and far between moments of happiness.” My voice cracked, and I lowered my head, and weighed myself on the podium as I grasped tightly to the edges of it. “Time fleeted before us, and...” The tears began to slip down my cheeks, but I tried to keep my voice steady. “And during our last moments of these blissful days of High School, we all realized how small, and insignificant four years are. We walked our way through these years with something good on our shoulders. We walked with our heads up, proudly strutting down these hallways where previous young men and women had done the same. But it was in our last and find year did we finally realize that it was all gone.” A sob broke through, and it echoed loudly into the microphone, I immediately turned away placing my hands over my mouth.

 

“I’m sorry,” was all I could keep repeating, until warm comforting hands took me by the shoulder. Orlando led me back to my seat and took my place. He was clever. He made jokes to make others see my crying as practical. If I could take back anything I regretted, it would be crying over Chris.

 

The rest of the procession ended quickly after the speech. Everyone cheered, and hailed, celebrating in their honor. I was finally out of High School ready to take the world by storm, yet, why didn’t I feel that way? Maybe it was the ache that was beginning to contract my heart. Maybe it was the constriction that I was holding near and dear, because I felt I could not take anything by storm. During everyone’s celebration, Orlando took me in his arms, picking me up in a bear hug.

 

“Odessa?” Orlando murmured against my hair. “I’m sorry. I wanted to ask you sooner about it, but I think I understand what happened. I’ll hate him for you, okay?” I laid my cheek on his shoulder and cried silently into his gown. He chuckled softly to himself, “Hey, cheer up!” He called out, setting me on my feet again. “You’ll be able to come with us to the graduation party. It’ll be the s**t, I promise!” He grinned goofily, and I laughed sadly; tears coming out faster. I mopped my face of my tears with my hands. “Everything’s going to be just fine.” He cupped my tearstained face in his hands.

 

“I wreally don feel like goin’, Orando.” My words came out funny with the pressure he was applying against my cheeks.

 

He raised his eyebrows, “You really think I can take you seriously with you sounding like that?” I stared at him solemnly, silently begging. He sighed, “Come here.” Orlando let go of my face, and took my wrist in his hand. He hauled me off the stage to where Jack had been watching. He didn’t seem to be too delighted with what he had seen, but he didn’t say a word about it. He looked manlier than Orlando in that moment. “You can’t sit in your house all night sulking. That is ridiculous. It’s not going to kill ya if you come with us to Alyssa’s party.”

 

“It just might.” I mumbled, sighing again, my heart continuing to constrict me. “I don’t even know the person hosting it!” I argued, but my voice apparently wasn’t convincing enough.

 

“Go right now and tell your parents you’ll be coming with us!” I gasped, making a feeble attempt at another pleading face, before I turned towards the crowd trying to find where my family had gone. It had found them just as I exited the door. Searching for them got Chris off my mind, if only for an instant.

 

“There you are!” my mom cried, hugging me for a second. “We were looking for you all over.” She brushed a stray tear. I wonder if she knew what happened. She was bound to have seen Chris there. She kissed my forehead, which gave me the hint that she knew what had happened too. Great. “I’m sorry. I overheard.” She whispered, and I was surprised. If she heard that much, she must have sent the pathetic mess I was before the graduation.

 

“Good job.” Hunter’s rough, unmoved voice interjected. It seemed like was forcing himself. He stood there with his hands in his pockets. A strained, wire-like smile was there on his face, like most times. His shoulders back, and his head was tilted in a way that wanted to intimidate me. “Who knew you would get this far, aye sport?” [B2] He scoffed. His chocolate eyes were amused.

 

“I looked at him incredulously, “What?”

 

“Now, do I have to repeat myself, Odessa?” He smirked. “Oh, and it’s “excuse me, sir”. I don’t need your sass.” I could see the uneasiness spread across my mother’s face as Hunter and I stood in a deadlock.

 

“My dad believed I could get this far, that’s who knew.[B3]  I’m not extremely smart, but I know that I do serve to be graduating.” I locked my jaw. I could feel the pressure being applied on my teeth as I did this. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the mental inferiority Hunter was instilling on me.

 

“Stop it Odessa.” My eyes flitted to my mother’s face, before I returned my gaze on Hunter.

 

Hunter snorted, “You’re lucky you even got in that top ten percent. Barely just got in there, no good college is going to appreciate that. They want smart, hardworking people, like Natalia.” He motioned towards the small, skinny figure texting away on her phone. She glanced up, smiling at me, before looking down back at her cell phone. Hunter chuckled to himself as he thought of something. “Perhaps you should start looking up at Natalia, isn’t that right Anne?” His eyes were egotistical as he looked at my mother.

 

She tittered, looking at me. She couldn’t even question the ‘Commander’s’ allegations.

 

“You know what?” I gritted my teeth. “Whatever. You,” I pointed at Hunter, “don’t ever come to one of my events. We all know you lack the face of a real man to take care of me.” I spat, and turned around shaking my head.

 

I raced through the parking lot immediately finding Orlando’s car I leaned against it, allowing my head to loll back. This was just one step closer to my completely destroyed, perfect day. From the corner of my eye I could see the blue paint had recently started to peel again. This old, threadbare of a car was probably more important to a person than I was to my family. Orlando loved his car. And he wouldn’t replace this thing for another one. My mother was the opposite. She wanted love right and left, and she would let others punch me if it meant her being able to gain more love on her part.

 

“There you are!” Orlando called out, pulling Jack behind him. Their fingers interlocked. “What’d they say?”

 

“Doesn’t matter, let’s get going.”

 

Jack and Orlando exchanged glances at me as I got into the car, but didn’t bring it up on the drive over to the party. When we arrived, the two-story house’s lot was beginning to fill up already. When we entered the house it was already pounding with electric beats and vocals of computer automated lyrics. There was the smell of liquor and sweat mixing in as people began to dance about the house. Their bodies close, moving to a single beat. It probably would have been better if I had just gone home.

 

Wherever I sat it just seemed like people who wanted to make out were drawn to that section of the room. To me, God was sending a very obvious signal telling me to get out of there. At last, when it seemed too coincidental that it happened for the fifth time, I drove myself to find Orlando and Jack. Yet, it didn’t seem to surprise me when I found the two of them drunk and doing some very obscene things to one another. I left after that. There’s nothing worse than seeing your friends doing that on a pair of stairs.

 

I shuddered thinking about it.

 

I would have to make sure when I got home to call Orlando on his phone to tell him that I had gotten home fine. I wasn’t sure if it was mere stupidity that was infiltrating my common sense, or I was just acting stupid. Either way, I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to walk to my house, considering it was only a few blocks away. It wasn’t as if anyone would stop for me. If anything they would be on the run after they saw the look on my face. What it was, I wasn’t sure, but I knew it wasn’t something appealing. Otherwise both girls and guys alike wouldn’t have tried to remain away from me. Except for the ones that never failed to show up in front of me, kissing. It was a painful reminder of what I used to have. I let it slip through my fingertips. I could have begged for him to come back, but that would be far too demeaning on my part. I just wish it would be easier to let go. The way Chris broke up angered me so. I used to tell him how I hated that part of the movies, because they all had the same reason. There wasn’t anything valid. They never had any justification as to why they weren’t happy in the relationship, just that they weren’t. There was never a straightforward answer. I wish I could have reversed what had happened and had told him to do something a little more creative. Perhaps even laugh a little as he gave me one of his surprised looks that resembled a child.

 

A car drove passed, its headlights blinding me for a moment before it dimmed out. I sighed, feeling the torment beginning to tug at my heart again. I hugged myself, wrapping my arms around my torso. I felt stupid walking like this, but the ache was hard to conceal. I was hoping that I wouldn’t care so much. The truth was I cared much more immensely than I thought I really did. That’s probably what killed me the most. Like that saying goes: “You don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”I knew what I had; I just didn’t think my feelings ran that deep. My life was already steadying itself on a thin wire, but when he left, everything around me fell apart. As if my life was a vase sitting on that thin wire; one sudden movement�"one little push�"caused it to crash to the floor, breaking it into masses. No matter how much I hated to admit it, it was true. I loathed the fact that I let him so far under my skin.

 

My heels clicked softly against the sidewalk as I continued the walk home. I stumbled quite a bit while I was unwavering with my contemplating. The moon was rather bright that night, so the shadows that used to be there were illuminated by the darkness. It had a soft halo around it; something that I rarely saw in the moon. It fascinated me so, to the point where it made me feel so insignificant. In this world, I was one of the thousands of millions of other people searching for what they longed for. I looked towards the floor and counted my footsteps as I walked not wanting to view the moon’s beauty in my wake. It was there that I met in my front lawn, only to stop midway to see Hunter, my mother, and Natalia sitting at the table talking.

 

I just stared for a few moments. To me, they resembled the epitome of the “perfect” family. All very happy and satisfied with the way they were. I wanted to crouch down and sit there for hours to watch them. To crave the happiness that they were sharing amongst the other; I wanted to watch them as if they were a movie. I wondered if they would worry about me if it had gotten far too late and I had yet to return home.

 

My mom turned her head slightly, in which she was staring at the clock. I hesitated there, having the slightest hope that she would get up to reach for the phone, but she turned back, and spoke something to Hunter while placing her hand over his. He smiled lightly and placed his other hand over hers, and they stared at each other for a moment before Natalia made a face, and they all began laughing again. I bit my lip at this. My feet hurriedly went towards the front door and I slipped through the threshold not caring whether or not they heard me enter.

 

“Odessa?” I heard my mom call out, and I stopped, facing my back towards the direction her voice was coming from, while I stared down the hall, looking straight at my door; my haven. “Oh, you are home.” Mom spoke very lightheartedly. “I figured you would be out with some of your friends, but I never heard a car. How did you get home?” She didn’t have a cross tone with me. This was her way of saying sorry without saying that five letter word. She knew that Hunter had been wrong, and she knew that she had been far more wrong than Hunter.

 

Tears rolled down my cheeks, “I walked home.”

 

It was quiet for a moment. “Oh, I see. Okay, well, I’m glad your home.” I didn’t know if she earnestly meant what she said. My heart was pained, and I took off down the hall. I could feel her eyes follow me until I closed the door to my room. I clicked the lock, and I sunk down to my knees. I bent forward, touching my head to the rug on my floor and began to sob in the obscurity of my room. My fingers latched on tightly to the rug on my floor as a jarring lament ripped through me. My sobs were coming out in long, agonizing screams. In the background I could hear the soft flaps of my canary.

 

I stayed like that until I nearly lost my voice. I eventually crawled into bed, slipping my shoes off, and leaving my dress on. Still, the leaking my eyes were doing never stopped. I lay like that, unmoving under my bed covers until I fell asleep. I never knew if I stopped crying even after I went to bed. In my dreams, I was crying there too.

Author's Note

Sorry you guys for the oober longevity of the chapter. Unfortunately, I wrote it over twice as many times and still it came out to the same length. I wanted to shorten it to a minimum, but the chapter, in itself, is not meant for shallow readers. So those of you who are not, enjoy it.