Dark Secrets

Lights Out... You can't find what you can't see. I’ve become a clouded face, unrecognized

DARK SECRETS

 

These eyes Tainted and Scarred,

The Heart restless behind bars,

A Soul lost between then and now

 

I’ve become a clouded face, unrecognized,

A Shadow within materializes

Unaware, there’s no time to prepare,

Unleashing its fury for all to bear

 

Strength it feeds from those who care,

Twisting and turning words and stares

Form is now what I once was,

It’s Poison if any… One of Love

 

Shadow now I, fight I try...

For those I hurt, my words are lies

Understand I cry, I feel your pain,

Ball and Chain, I am restrained

 

Pleasure filled, Darkness slips away,

Face left to those I've betrayed

Strength to hold on, You reach for my hand,

Smiling and Scarred, Your eyes Understand

 

SHADOW lingers and laughs within,

Your LOVE inside, he cannot win

 

Legacy

Author's Note

What is your Dark Secret - visit and enter yours today http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/-Volume-1%2C-Book-2--Dark-Secrets/13548/

P.S. Re-read and between the lines

Legacy

Reviews

[Luis Gabriel]

I love the minimalism! I love the shortness of the statements to really pack the punch of the emotion displayed! The only constructive work I would do is maybe some constructive imagery to tie the emotions to something I can see or feel, it feels alot like there are so many things felt blending all together I don't know where to start!

Great job, keep it up!

[John Fakler]

the internal rhyme was clever but inconsistent I feel like you should have used it in more lines

[TheArtOfInsanity]

I enjoyed this poem, and the words you capitalized to emphasize interested me, it seems, to me at least, that the poem is about the darker side of love, kind of like a regret of some kind. I liked the rhythm of this poem and the rhyme structure, I've re-read it as I wrote this comment and I see nothing I'd change.

[ryan]

fun poem; the internal rhyme is witty, but given your topic, I found that the end rhymes leave the poem too predicable. The poem started strong, but when it fell into the rhyming couplets--I found myself a bit distracted by them.

[nacho_98]

i like it :) its good

[AmeliaMae]

I really liked this. The flow and rhyme was fantastic. What I liked about this was that it was very much like a spell or even a curse. The music that flowed out of it gave me the feeling of a dark creature saying the words from the dark.

"I've become a clouded face, unrecognized/A shadow within materializes"
I feel like that could be worded differently and might make the poem stronger than it already is.

Very great write!
~MaeMae~

[Blessed_Angel]

oh wow this is simply amazing great job.

[Phantom Heart]

Strong emotion in this poem and I think that It's great that it has the same feel through each line. My favorite line is, " a soul lost between then and now"
The only thing I had a hard time with was the font, it made me read some of the lines more then once wich threw me off a little. But Honestly, great write! Thanks for sharing!

[Farrah Grahm]

This gives me a feeling of a harmful secret like drug addiction or any addiction that hurts the subject and those around him/her. I love the emotion in this.