Where A Teardrop Fills The Ocean

A short piece about the loss of love.

 

 

 

Where A Teardrop Fills The Ocean

 

 

 

Where a teardrop fills the ocean

And loss burns up the sky,

This is the place you'll see me

In the wasteland of your eyes.

 

When a solemn promise splinters

And a vow breaks open wide,

That is the moment rendered

And I am torn from your side.

 

What fire that burns the coldest

Within charred remnants of this heart

Gives birth over to grievance.

Souls intertwined now ripped apart.

 

Legion

22May08

Reviews

[Thomas James Martin]

I really enjoyed this. Did you mean it as a lyric, as it reads like a song to me. I liked all the stanzas. bit particularly the first one, which is sad but quite beautiful: Where a teardrop fills the ocean

And loss burns up the sky,

This is the place you'll see me

In the wasteland of your eyes.

Tom

[Gandré]

This sounds like a beatiful honey-like love song. Is it one? Definitely, the rhyming is strong, it is pleasant to my ear. I read it always loud and listen to the waves...in my reading. Beautiful work. I especially liked "When a solemn promise splinters

And a vow breaks open wide,"----------but truly, each line was a loving catcher.

[Leah Simone]

I wasn't expecting the rhythm and rhyme of this - it felt classical in some ways.
Lovely message - hopeful in spite of loss - loving and delicate.

[Last Lying Look]

Good poem! I really like it. Your such an amazing writer. I love to read your poems :D

[LadyLove]

I like the second stanza very much...that shattered moment of realizing it's all over and can never be retrieved; and how can you when it has been dropped to blend in with the ocean? Very nice. I never want to know that feeling.

[Donna DeLong Matthews a..]

What fire that burns the coldest
Within charred remnants of this heart
Gives birth over to grievance.
Souls intertwined now ripped apart.

I love this the above especially touched me
it so describes the destruction of relationships
fires burning cold
hearts destroyed
all engolfing sadness
and souls cast away to just... drift

How AWESOME this write is
Thank you for share'n

Have a blessed day
D

[Ms Jessica Renee]

Powerful without a doubt.
You have a talent with your words.
Keep it up, let the creativity overflow.

[[untitled]]

I loved this. The first stanza, where a tears drop fills the ocean...so expressive! Most of all I love the rhythm of the whole poem. Except for the last stanza, it never broke form so it was a pleasure to read and re-read, plus if you were to make it into a song which would be magical, the last stanza pattern could be worked in...ya know. It is lovely!

[Rainbowco]

Floored!

[Antigone]

This is awesome!

When a solemn promise splinters
And a vow breaks open wide,
That is the moment rendered
And I am torn from your side.

No, seriously, how long did it take you to write this? It would have taken me ages to come up with words like this. Awesome job, keep writing, and thanks for the review you sent me, too! =)

[Cherub Apathy]

You have a way with words, and how you express yourself. I really like your style.. it kinda reminds me of my own a bit.

This poem is amazing.. You have a real talent.