Defensive Positions

A war. A battle. A lover's quarrel. You decide.

 

 

 

Defensive Positions

 

 

The cannons bellowed

    With mouths spewing oblonged obscenities.

        Hurling bullets of blasphemies

    To strike down the offensive enemy.

Smoke (whisps of words) plumed

    Across the sky of this hearthly invasion

        Dropping acidic toxins conceived for devastation,

    Caught up only in self-preservation.

Hearts bleeding out, emotions unbridled

    Catering to weapons of destruction.

        Words meant as ammunition

    Fired with apprehensible intention.

Striking behind lines once shared.

    Now sharing in a mortared rage.

        Broken is the union caught within this rampage,

    This onslaught continues uncaged.

A victor, with shallowed finality, finds victory

    But no consolation,

        Only a fruitless condemnation

    And a white flag tainted with subjugation.

 

Legion

31JAN09

Reviews

[Katrina]

hit me as a lover's quarrel -- a little bit of war we all carry scars from.

i really loved this. honest. i really enjoyed 'mouths spewing oblonged obscenities.' i NEVER would've thought of that -- green with envy here, dear. anyway, enough about me. this was a really well written piece, you can tell you took time on it and just didn't throw it together -- not that spur of the moment pieces are always bad. but yeah. and i love the format!

great read. great write.

xxx

[Snow412]

All is fair in love and war, eh? I liked how you worded this poem and how it correlated with both ideas.

Bullets and blasphemies indeed. RAWR

:D

[.]

the victory taints the battle...many excellent phrases and breaks

[ABitBrokenPoetry]

perfectly captures the war that can go on in relationships. i love the flow & rhythm of this piece. very well written, the imagery is amazing here, & how very honest this is. brilliant write.

[Kathryn Star, Shine!]

Bitter is the heart when it becomes stone hard. You can take this poem as an act in a war meaning, there are wars everywhere. In our homes, our schools, in our own constitution. So many interpretations you can take on this one single poem. The ending is quite clear, "YOU WANT IT TO STOP." Very nice writing. KS

[raining]

I like this poem. Best one of yours i have read so far. I lilke the far out type of metaphor, somehow it is alwasy more effective the further out we travel.

you could take a cam-corder to this poem it is so colored and eventful.

[Cool Handless Luke]

i liked the format - intentional or not i noted that it was a poem about a war of words and the line indentions for each verse formed an arrow. i really could feel this poem - seems like i've been there a few times. a few times too many actually. very nicely done. another legion edition to the library.

[chocolate_addict]

Fantastic imagery. The feeling this gave was an explosive patter of words and symbols.

"oblonged obscenities" I love this alliteration.

You used powerful words in this piece along with a nice flow that really brought out the devastation of war waged in words. Wonderful piece, really.

[spence]

Excellent commentary on the futility of war. It has evoked a poetic resonse in me: It is only those enslaved to fields of confrontation that ever truly lose- those commanders in their suits and houses of white continue to wantonly abuse. Profit for the prophets of chaos, death and doom. Seriously though- the way that you have permeated this poem with metaphor and analogy is reminiscient of the poetry of world war one, (sassoon, owen, etc). This really does remind the reader of trench warfare and me personally of the eternal quest for conquest and empire undertaken by the leaders of the world. Nice one legion, I enjoyed the read immensley, spence

[Honeypot]

I thoroghly enjoyed the staggered format that you used in the poem. It fit well with the strong words used to described the devastation of war. It struck me that this could also be about a verbal sparring, a really heated spewing of hatefulness at another. Really powerful vocabulary used in this one. Great job.

[Dianah]

Love the explosive language and the ambiguity in this. It could definitely be about a lot of things but it does sound like an argument .
The victory
'Only a fruitless condemnation
And a white flag tainted with subjugation'
Wonderful.