my high school crush

 I see you walking down the hallway,

But I wish you were walking my way.

I day dream about your deep brown eyes,

Hopeing that one day they will be looking back at mine.

I picture  being held in your arms,

I'm hopeing you wont bring my heart any harm.

But you are a dream that will never come true,

I wish you knew that I liked you.

 

Reviews

[Parashar]

cute poem ....

[T. Wes Smith]

good job, why dont you tell him?

[Jimmy]

That is a great poem. I loved it. Keep on wrighting.

[paparapapa]

Short and cute. Just a few suggestions... (1) choose another word for walking for the second line, (2) to improve the rhythm of the third and fourth lines, maybe you can shorten the fourth one ("Hoping that one day they'll be looking back at mine.") (3) do some editing for the fifth line, I didn't quite get it, (4) sixth line: "Hoping" (5) seventh line: But you are A dream, and (6) also to improve the rhythm, maybe make the last line longer (ex. adding a "really" might help). These are just minor issues and I think the poem's still great even if you ignore these suggestions. :)) So just follow them if you think I make sense. Anyway, this was a great and fun read. Write some more. ;)