My Love

Your voice is like a melting honey

Your smile is as warm as coffee

Your calmness reminds me of the sea

Your eyes take me to eternity.

 

 I’m not pretty like models on the floor

Nor do I have body to die for

But, if there would be one thing I could do,

It is to write a thousand words for you.

Reviews

[Jake D. Stephens]

A very beautiful poem for your love. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A thousand words for love lead to a million words of gratitude. I liked the poem. Sweet, honest and realistic. Thank you Mariwel for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Mariwel Lao]

Thanks much Coyote. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Mariwel.

[JayG]

Needs tightening/editing. I don't know what "a" melting honey is—though it suggests a melting girlfriend to me. 😮

Warm as coffee doesn't work because most people drink it—or at least get it— hot.

And can mentioning the sea remind the people in Florida of calm this week—or at all? The see is moody, remember.

And yes, I know your intent with "models on the floor," but aren't models found more often on a runway? Doesn't "on the floor,' imply that they're dead, too?

I know you used it to make a rhyme for the next line, but never force the line to the rhyme, it's too obvious o the reader, and detracts.

You might want to read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It's a super introduction to the structure of both language and poetry, and well worth the time to read.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Chris]

Complicated has a way of drawing a "knowing" smile.

[wordman]

who could want more ? love always wins in the end

[Mariwel Lao]

yes I agree. :)

[wordman]

you`re welcome