Numb

The rain continued to fall as I stared aimlessly out the window. I didn’t expect to wind up here. But they had noticed something was wrong while I didn’t. I felt alone and numb. Everything just went crashing down, when it had all been so perfect.

But things change I guess. And I don’t even know what happened. One minute I was there, the next I was here. But I don’t know what to do. So what that I couldn’t take the pain. I had to try to end it. To quite the demons that told me that my dark abyss would be lovely. So I tried. But the damn knife didn’t take it to quickly. It would have helped me forget my pain, my suffering, my supposed love, and my loneliness.
I’m alone, I always have been, and I have no feelings, no emotions. I was just numb.

Numb, it was better like this. Having Novocain placed all over your heart. It was better not to feel any pain, let alone any emotion. I liked it like this. I liked my dark abyss. And I wanted to welcome it…very soon.
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“ the last night you’ll spend alone, look me in the eyes so I know you know your everything to me…”

My eyes opened, slowly. Slowly I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and glanced at my alarm clock. Saturday morning and my alarm clock was going off at six that’s so not cool. My hand anxiously smacked it knocking it hard to the floor. I sighed, and flopped back over on my side. I closed my eyes again and pulled the covers even closer keeping warm.

“Haylie…hey are you up.”

I grabbed my pillow and covered my head with it. Trying to hide from the noise as I fell back into my slumber. I didn’t necessarily like waking up at six on a Saturday. Its not exactly normal.

“Babe, come on you need to get up.”

I twisted myself deeper into my covers and pillows. There was no way anyone was getting me up at six in the morning. I sighed as it got quite…

I gasped and curled tightly up in a ball as my covers were stripped from my bed and me. My eyes clasped tight together in hopes whoever was here knew I was trying to sleep. The next thing I knew someone’s hand was on my cheek.

Slowly I opened my eyes to meet two midnight blue ones. I felt my heart stop and my face turn red. This was not who I expected to be in my room at six in the morning. Derek Strife, 6’3 in height, captain of every team at West Beverly High, and basically the popular hot jock. That was my boyfriend.

“Derek what are you doing here?” I whispered.

His face went grave and I knew something was wrong. He opened his arms for me to crawl into and he pulled me close. My face lay on his stone chest. Waiting for him to speak, my heart raced.

“Haylie something happened.” he whispered, his tone cautious.

I looked up at him, but he averted my eyes. Fear rushed over me and my heart raced. Now I was worried, what was so bad that he had to wake me up this early.

“Derek where is mom?” I asked noticing she wasn’t here too.

He looked down at me finally his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. His embrace tightened, and he lightly kissed my head.

“She’s at the hospital babe. Its your dad, he’s been in a car accident and he most likely isn’t going to make it. I rushed here as soon as I heard. Your mom had no time to wake you.” he whispered.

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. My father, Charles was dieing or even dead at this point.. There was no way. We had just been hanging out last night. We had gone last night and saw The Dark Night. Then we had gone to dinner. It was a father daughter night and now this. What just happened.

I pushed away from Derek and rushed to my bathroom. I slammed the door and grabbed my clothes from last night. I ripped off my pajamas and pulled my red Abercrombie sweatshirt over my head and I pulled my navy blue jeans on. I grabbed my shoes and pulled them on. Quickly I brushed my teeth and pulled my long blond hair in a pony tail.

I threw my bathroom door open and grabbed my keys and rushed downstairs, forgetting that Derek was there. I rushed out the door and headed to my fathers Mercedes.

“Haylie, lets take my car its faster.” Derek called as he headed to his car.

I stared at his black Ferrari F430 and rushed to the passenger side door. I quickly snapped my seatbelt on as Derek started the engine and pulled out. He hit the gas and we were flying down the interstate.

I continued to stare out the window watching the ocean fly by. It was a perfect day for going to the beach. Sunny and already 85 degrees outside. Today was supposed to be normal for me. Sleep in till twelve, get ready for Derek to come pick me up, then go somewhere like to my barn to ride. But all of it just didn’t seem real at this moment.

The car swerved and came to a complete stop. The hospital. I quickly unhooked myself and jumped out of the car and rushed into the building. I went running to the front desk. The receptionist sat there on the phone laughing. I went to school with her. Brittney was here name and she did volunteer work at the hospital.

“Excuse me.” I said anxiously.

She held a finger up, telling me to hold on a minute. She than giggled again adding a “no way.” I started biting my nails.

“Excuse me!” I spat.

This time she held her middle finger up. I clenched my teeth together, trying to hold my tears in. I felt a hand on my back and looked to see Derek. He looked annoyed and spoke.

“Excuse me.” he said sweetly.

Brittney looked at him, her cheeks flushing red. She immediately hung her phone up and smiled.

“Hey Derek, can I help you?” she asked.

I didn’t listen to what he asked her. My mind went wondering around the hall. Looking for any sign of my mom or dad. Fear had consumed me and all I wanted right now was my father.

I followed Derek as he grabbed my hand and began to pull me in some direction. My eyes glanced everywhere, darting form one place to another. Looking for any sign.

We stopped in front of a room. And Derek looked at me concerned. His hand tightening around mine. His eyes held concern and hope and he lightly kissed my head. Slowly I turned and headed into the dark room.

Tubes and machines hung everywhere, each making some kind of sound. My mother sat next to a bed with a man laying unconscious with bandages covering almost every part of his body. I clasped a hand over my mouth as I realized that man was my father. Tears consumed my vision and I collapsed. Falling into Derek’s arms. He looked at me with a painful glance and helped me stand.

His arm wrapped tightly around my waist, making sure I didn’t fall. I slowly and cautiously walked closer to the bed that held my father. I could feel my body tremble with fear. And I looked at Derek to make sure that he would be there to catch me. He smiled reassuringly and grabbed a chair for me to sit in.

I slowly sat down across from my mother and stared at the lump of bandages that was my father. I looked up at my mom, hoping she would give me the answer I wanted. She looked at me and the next thing I knew she was swallowed in her tears.

My heart fell and I knew at that instant my father wasn’t going to wake up. At that moment I realized my life wouldn’t be the same without this man in my life. He would never see me graduate, he would never walk me down the aisle, he would never see me grow up into the woman he helped create. At that moment I got a little taste of the pain. Pain that later on I would cover up with Novocain.