The priest

Surprise

A girl age five walked up the steps of a Catholic Church it was cold winter day and all she had on her frail little body was a lime green spring jacket so she hurried into the church to get warm. As the young girl was shivering in one of the pews a priest saw her and felt sadden for the poor child for her small face was redden by the harsh winds and her hair of blonde locks looked as if it had not been washed in days and her tiny body seem so frail that she seemed to be a walking corpse . The priest approached the child "young one my name Is father Louis " the young girl looked up at him and he saw a scar above and below her grey eyes that reached from her forehead to her upper lip she smiled "hello my name is Ophelia " the priest sat by the child "are you lost?" The girl shook her head no "well are you hungry?" Again the girl shook her head no"Ophelia you know it is a sin to lie now child speak" Ophelia looked hurt by his accusation"father for I have not sinned I am not lost for I am waiting on my father to come and get me and I am not hungry for i have just left the soup kitchen" the father was littered by sadness for the girl "well how about I wait here with you until the father arrives" Ophelia smiled " i would enjoy that . The priest did not have to wait long a man with a buzz cut of blonde hair standing 6 foot 2 in tailored clothes and newly polished shoes and a wolf skinned coat draping around his body , the priest furious rushed in between the man and Ophelia "sir I am father Louis are you young Ophelia's father?" The man smiled and had the same glint in his grey eyes as his daughter had "yes I am my name Is Sawyer Dammes you must know of my family we do own the diamond mines in the south and the farmlands in this town" the priest was shocked "my good sir your daughter looks of a orphan how dare you let her starve and get filthy!" The girls father laughed as he picked up his daughter "dear priest I did not abandon her ; you see my fathers father and before him did this to all their children once a month for two weeks until they were 18." The predict was baffled "why would they do this to children?!" The girls father was walking away with his daughter in his arms "why my good priest for so we go mad with free for as you and I both know greed is one of the deadly sins that attracts the others; so to prevent our family from being consumed by sin my ancestors decided we shall live like the unfortunate people of the lands and and be apart of their daily life for two weeks a month until we are 18 so we know how fortunate we are so we let our children live with a well picked out poor family to understand how to be grateful and to give back and if it doesn't work we usually will send them back with the family until they learn so our family won't be tainted by sin" the priest stood in silence for he realized the family was only trying to stop the spread of sin in major businesses and family's in the world "well I see good day." The man and girl was already gone

Reviews

[Brandy]

Hi,
It's a good story with great descriptors, with a bit a proofreading for grammar and punctuation, it would be even better.

[Kamari's]

Thank you I do have problems with proper punctuation and spelling :/ I have been trying to work hard on fixing it but I'm glad you noticed it so I can get better at writing stories I appreciate honesty in reviews and I am glad you liked the stories you are welcome to any of my writings

[Stevo The POE-t]

Stopping by to return the favor for ya... Great job here man keep up the great work... I love the imagery you painted for us in this piece...

[Kamari's]

Thank you I appreciate any feedback