am i doing better?

am i doing better?

i just try not to think about it,

about everything,

really,

i try to not think about my parents' failing marriage,

or my lack of identity,

or the feeling that threatens to break through my heart when i see them,

them arguing,

abusing the other,

them lying on facebook posts

and to family,

i'm the one who sees everything but can do nothing,

i hear all the arguments,

i see all the mind-f*****g,

god this is horrible,

i just want to help,

but everytime i try,

i get blamed,

or i blame myself,

why does this family have  to be so fucked up?

i hate faking who i am.

i hate it so f*****g much.

fake gender,

fake religion,

fake sexuality,

fake person.

if i come out to him,

i'll be putdown,

at least thats what i think might happen,

if i tell her i don't believe,

i know she'll flip,

she'll try to convert me,

and my sister will get  the blame.

idontknowwhyshedoesit,

why she hates her so much,

its probably from beyond my time,

but i wish i could understand it.

my family is not what i thought it was,

life is not what it seems,

if only they taught you while you're young,

that loved ones tell lies,

and loved ones hurt much like we do,

then maybe i wouldn't have fallen so low.

i've got to protect what i love,

who i love,

but how do i do that,

when any move i make will result,

in some godforsaken consequence?

thats what it feels like:

to feel better but not better.

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

Hi Nico
I was sad when i read this beautiful piece….seeing your parents constantly fighting, abusing
each other which has a great impact on the kids, like you…. you probably feel helpless and maybe guilty, what did i do wrong? you portray a very disheartening scene and one that is detrimental to all involved in the family… what are the consequences? that remains to be seen…..nobody can predict what will happen to one’ s family unit when young… and that is the hardest part…. what will the future bring? I am so sorry that this has happened to you….yet you will prevail….. and take a path that is only yours
and hopefully a successsful one ( in your mind)
Warmly, B😊
PS i lost your invite to your new group, can you message me again? i would love to join! thank you!

[Betty Hermelee]

i wrote reviiew above!

[S€H@J]

Well idk why but while reading the poem i sounded like H!tler like proper accent and goddamn tho it's explicity vulgar at some point I can feel the rage tho
Strong

[Buddhistboy73]

Wow!
This is a deeply emotional, heartelt poem ..:)

It reads like a kind of mini-movie.......a family saga....

my family is not what i thought it was..
life is not what it seems...

So #i guess its time to take a risk my WC friend....

BB73