Speech//Poem for WICKED (my business I am starting)

*This is a poem I wrote when I was 15, so forgive the grammar*

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to not sleep.

I don't want to be sick.

I don't want to struggle in maths.

I don't want to hate myself.

I don't want to cry when I look in my mirror.

I don't want to be someone else,

when everyone else is taken.

All the big b***s,

all the skinny bodies,

all the glassy skin,

and the fat asses,

and the skinny-a*s legs,

the tall bodies,

I don't have any of that.

I don't know why my legs are bigger,

I don't know why my stomach isn't flat,

I mean, obviously I know,

but you know what I mean.

I thought I was beautiful,

but magazine covers told me otherwise.

When I wake up,

I fantasize about a version of myself that everyone adores,

a version of me that loves herself,

and who everyone loves,

that all the boys want,

that doesn't get crushes on girls,

that doesn't get bad grades,

and doesn't have to feel dysphoric because she's non-binary living in a binary world,

I wish I were her,

I really do,

but even she hates herself,

however deep inside,

she does,

because a woman can never be good enough,

an emby can never be good enough,

anyone who does not fit into that tiny plastic mold that we all feel we need to fit into to be good enough because that is what society tells us.

And we keep falling into pot holes,

when you can't find your size in a store,

or better, worse, whatever you want to call it,

when you have to move up a size,

or can't find a proper foundation shade because they're all made for people with pale skin,

when you have to go to the bathroom but it feels wrong to use either one,

when we finally realize we need to write our own rules,

and love the f**k out of ourselves,

because that is the only way to survive this cutthroat world.

But where is my safe space?

Where are my people?

Where can I truly feel that I am not just feeling safe to be my most authentic self,

but am safe?

And that place...

is here