Death

It's kinda creepish but it's really stupid

 There I was. In the cemetery. In front of the house. The house they say Mitch was murdered in. Well, at least they say he was murdered. No one really knows what happened to him. Some say he was murdered. Others say he committed suicide. But as I said, no one really knows what happened to Mitch. Except for his spirit that supposedly haunts this house.
      Now you know why I'm here. I need to see Mitch. I need to see his spirit. I need to talk to him. I need to see my twin.

      If I take one more step I'll be there on the first step. Part of me wants to turn around. To go back to that stupid orphanage were all the kids say that they're glad Mitch is dead. Just to get to me. But I'm stronger than that side of me. I go with my other instinct. I keep going. I walk up the steps and across the porch. Then I slowly reach for the knob...
                                            *     *     *
      This hallway is dark and and hot. It also has a vile smell that I can't describe any other way. Every step I take a floor board creeks and moans. I can feel death lurking, just waiting to happen.

Author's Note

Hope you like this story I wrote

Reviews

[Looouise]

"orphanage were all the" - where

I like how there's a little battle going on inside her head - whether or not to go inside or to turn around and go back to the orphanage. I also like how there's a little uncertainty around the death - it obviously does let you build up for a longer story where everything can be further explored.

There's one thing that might need elaboration - and that would be the house in front of the cemetery. I'm not entirely sure if there are actually houses in front of cemetery's, but I could imagine there being like a small hut like place for the gravediggers and such.

[Lemon-Eater]

Didn't you write that at skewl?

o well its still good em

~lemon-eater~

[Fanfiction Girl]

I like it alot!!! let me know when you update this please?

[Tala]

creepy stuff, short but sweet. Well not actually sweet but you get the idea. Very good, well not descriptions. I guess it's more good thought description.

[WayOath]

I think you have something good forming here. You should go into more detail about the main character going into the house. You built up this really nice climax but when you got to it it was like oh man, its gone already. Other than that, great detail, nice wording in your sentences.

[MunkeeFareek]

Love it best friend! Write more! Make it longer! Finish your story! Hurry up! Do it now! Hurry, best friend, before time runs out. Please, for me.