Something

From the day he was born, something was wrong, it just wasn't right, it wasn't a happy song.

He soon became heavy, but then thinned out, we thought he was safe, no need to pout.

The weight came back on, his cholestral went up, his life span went down, he seemed so stuck.

The food dissapeared, the freezer was locked, doctors and friends told him to stop.

He just wouldn't listen, the face that he made softened us all just all the same, we couldn't let it happen, not another grave and into the afterworld something needed to change.

If he doesn't stop being way to over-fed

A tradegy will happen

My brother will be dead.

Like a nightmare

Reviews

[xlynne]

i thought this was very intense and i like the story like format you wrote it and and also i liked how you tied it together with rhyming. i think its a very powerful poem but you could probably pull it out a little more and add some emotions to help the reader understand why the brother was overeating or what the family felt towards him. just a suggestion though. also in the word over-fed you don't need the hypen it's just overfed.

[Rylan Batten]

wow..this is intense. good write