Short poem

The days chime tart

Her fussy fret

leaving his eyes to the gallow

as the wind buffers him astray

such cool cats lay low

as where the smoke blooms

he'll go

 

 

Reviews

[deeps]

I think your emotions are expressed well here.
Well said!

[Chris T.]

I feel like too often on this site, reviewers hop straight to the "i can relate, and thus it is good writing" train of thought. I see it frequently with poetry about love or hurting. I do not intend to downplay any of the other reviewers emotions when I say- it gets old. With that said, I am going to say this:

I can not relate to this piece at all, and it is good writing. I really enjoyed the structure and overall word choice. It is refreshing to see a piece that focus on the words first, and not so much on the overall message (I apologize if I am wrong in this regard, but the message, if any, is not easily distinguishable). After all, poetry is simply art with words and you painted a terrific piece.

Only thing: when you say "a stray", do you mean "astray" as in off-course? It's a very small, nearly unnoticeable gripe, and you may have meant to use it as a noun anyways.