The End of High School

I've reached the end of high school. Well, almost, at any rate! There's still a handful of days left. Two tests to take, and two days of school wide community service. I'll be cleaning the trails at a therapeutic ranch. I won't know anyone there, but that's alright.

These exams, though? Those ever so pressing tests? I haven't studied a whit. Not one smidge. It doesn't matter though, I think. I've been accepted into my college, with a $30,000 scholarship. I have a 'B' in math, my Achilles' heel, and a low score won't hurt me too badly. It's quite nice, to know everything's settled. And I received Excellence in English a la Award Ceremony, which was lovely. Nice to be excellent in something, even if it's absolutely useless in the long haul. I suppose being able to crank out papers like it's nobody's business is quite nice, though. Better than not having any special skill at all. 

I sat beside Chandler, and I know she feels cheated. She thinks she deserves something more than she got. She needs to have the limelight some. And I can see that, I definitely can. She works really hard. But she was so caught up in her old school, I don't think she ever really put herself in this one, so it was so easy for the teachers to look over her. It wasn't fair that they skipped over her especially in sports, or that when they did acknowledge her they mispronounced her name. There aren't many of us, and she is a senior. Her last year, and now everyone knows she hates it. Not that it was ever much of a secret, if they cared to listen.

But she's leaving for Florida, and she'll leave all of this behind. She'll be free, and I wish her all the best.

But, for me, I have my own plans. I want to start this summer out right. I want to take grant writing classes for the medical mission, take up kenpo karate (and maybe brazilian jujitsu), and the big brother program. I know there's the hope for a roadtrip to Canada with my girls, but they still don't have their passports. Get with it, ladies! I think Faye will go through the steps, but maybe not Camille.

The plans for this weekend, the true opening celebrations for this summer, is Animazement, though. Honestly, I'm not that interested. I could live, happily, and $52 richer, without it. But it seemed very important to Faye, so.. 

I'm dressing up as a mage. Bit of a s**t mage, if we're getting specific, but it's pretty good for a costume I pieced together out of old, strange things and spit, hm? I'll say I'm Amii Rose from Pandora Lost, an old JRPG released on the playstation. For some reason, being an original character gets such flak. Faye is some person with armour on one day, and a cyber goth the next. She's worked hard on her costumes, I think. 

But other than Animazement, what I really want to focus on is religion. I think there will be more time over the summer to delve a little deeper into meditation and yoga, two activities I've been distracted from in the hustle-and-bustle of my day to day life. Self-contemplation has lead me to believe that I believe, most definitely, that god is pantheistic and that the goal of life is enlightenment, and joining with his eternal consciousness that permeates all things, living or unliving. I believe that the gods, all gods, are merely small facets of his infinite faces, and that people surrender to them because it is impossible to grasp him as a whole. I believe in the cycle of rebirth, but not in the cleansing of hell or the gratitude of heaven that comes between lives. Rather, I believe you reap what you sow in your next life. If you were good in this life, but had to struggle with your inner nature to overcome selfcenteredness, anger, lust, and faithless, like I must, then in your next life your temper will be selfless, compassionate, chaste, patient, loving, and devoted to god. From there, you are one step closer to reaching union with the godhead.

It is a long, long process. But I have my beliefs, my established opinions, my faith. It feels very, very good. 

But the point of a journal is to record one's day, no? 

So here was mine. 

I gave up my car to my mom to attend the test, with my grandfather ferrying me. Mr. B was, hmm. A little more active? in speaking to me. I think, sometimes, he sees me as a possible romantic option. I am older than the rest of my peers. In five months I'll be twenty. I have my reasons for believing this, specifically because he talks out loud when he thinks. I don't know how I feel about this. I swore off sex, but that has nothing to do with a relationship if you don't want it to. Though I suppose it could create problems. I'm not as attracted to him as I used to be. Hmm. 

The test itself was hard, I think. Hard to tell when you're guessing on everything. He came through with his promise; two cryptograms. One's answer was something along the lines of 'Even Bonsaisakura couldn't figure out this puzzle. I am become sandwich.' Which was basically a series of inside jokes for his math class. Cute. In return, I drew him a cyborg godzilla raiding a burning city with three black fighter jets overhead. 

I came home and walked the dog, a lot. Then I gamed, a lot. I thought about when my skills at videogames would ever come in handy, and why I was so intent on getting a higher gamerscore. It's pointless, and very people look at them. I think, anyway. But, I still want a rounded 10,000 before I get to college. Who am I trying to impress?  Boys, most likely. About 800 points to go. It'd be easier if I just bought two games instead of trying to perfect the few games I already have, but I'm poor. 

I meditated a little, because the numbers keep lining up. 

I walked the dog more. More and more and more. And it's a full moon tonight. Have you ever tried to draw down the moon? I think I might, but I fear the dark a little. Hm hm hmm...