Clear Water

Today, I woke up grumpy. Maybe because my head hurt, or from too little sleep, or for being a little late, or anything. I'm mindful now, at least, that that's not a habit I want. There's a little tugging I get, sometimes, when I want to stop that. A little shadow of thought that says, 'woah! is all that aggression really necessary? today is a brand new day...' 

I think that's what they call progress. I hope it is, but it's so hard to gauge the growth of your personality sometimes. 

But I eventually got over myself and got collected and went to school. Today was a day for community service, and, despite thinking that I'd be late for certain, I was actually early, and ate my warm apple pie on the stone bench in the rose garden. I thought, this is where Victoria and I once ate. There were bees, and I thought she seemed alone here. But, of course, I was running from people too when I wound up there this morning. I don't know the people very well at my school, and I didn't have the courage to sit with them today. I don't think I saw it as cowardice, though. Just something out of my comfort zone.

At 830 we left on a small, white bus. Eight of us, I think. Caitlyn, Fasle, Eric B, John H, Cristina M., Katie C, Abby P, and me. The two teachers attending were Mr. Denault and Mr. Cook. Two good guys! I didn't know anyone there very well, but there isn't any real adversity present. I'm just not really one of them. 

The place in which we volunteered was Clear Water therapeutic riding center. Children and adults with mental handicaps ride and play with horses... but, we didn't do anything like that. Rather, we scraped wooden poles of their paint, scrubbed 'tack' (saddles), moved rocks, scrubbed windows. Basic, manual, physical labour. I didn't really feel like I was doing community service work. But I think the real volunteers, who attend orientation, probably get more from it, so I'll share this place with Faye.

One of the physical therapists was older, and had a pretty face. Perhaps not beautiful, like one would expect, but she seemed so nice and happy. I asked her if this is what she's always wanted to do, and she gave me a small timeline of her life. She's been doing horse therapy for a long, long time, and she chose this path, and she's happy with it... and that made me smile. That made me the happiest I think I was that entire day. 

But, still, I think I'll skip out tomorrow. There wasn't a lot to do, they seemed to struggle to find things, and the rest of the class dedicated a good portion of their time to basketball and running around, and we still left an hour early. I wish, almost, that I attended Habitat for Humanity.

I came home dirty and tired, and god played a little trick on me. I'd forgotten that there wasn't a house key on the key ring and I was locked out, so I drove to grandpa's. He wasn't home. So I call mom, and it turns out she knew, and that she hid the key for me beneath the broom. If I didn't have the phone (which I normally wouldn't) I never would've known! I don't know if that was just for the sake of a giggle or if it had some more profound meaning I'm just not getting.

But that being said, I'm going back from my brief spiritual relapse. I'm trying, once again, to be more mindful, to be more aware and compassionate. I want to game, and I want to write reviews and intelligent articles on the psyche of the gamer, but, at the same time, I want to remain focused on what really matters...

Of course, I was distracted by more physical labours. Today, in order to save $160 we're taking off the carpet ourselves. It was hard work, but the whole family worked together, and it looks pretty good. Defitinitely worth doing! We've become way to dependent, way too helpless. We're capable of so much, and I'm always struck dumb by just how easy it is to do it... 

Reviews

[Little Lotus]

I realize now, that by choosing not to attend the community service event, I was again running away form the situation because it was 'out of my comfort zone'. I don't honestly know if I wish I could go back and change it. I don't think I'm that far yet.