It didn't take me long

It didn't take me long to figure out why I feel like I do. I guess I could've figured it out sooner, if I wanted to. Maybe it'd make a difference. Maybe not. Maybe it'd make a difference right now if I let it.

But here's the thing. I gathered up my little group of friends and I tried my best to maintain them. I was really worried about it. More worried about that than anything else. And I was doing okay for awhile. I had my small group within my small group of friends that I was pretty close to. But I was struggling and I still felt insecure.

And then one day we leave for the beach, and a girl comes in who replaces me. She took my little niche that I struggled to capture and stole it away. I responded by being wary, then withdrawing entirely. For awhile I was frustrated and angry, blaming Niko a little, because I felt that only emphasized and increased the sudden ostracization. I didn't realize really why I was angry. I thought it was because they just suddenly started abandoning me, moving around me, left me behind, discarded. That's not the case, and I know it. No one's going to take me by my hand and guide me through my insecurities. No one's here to mother me. Just me.

I just realized that we don't even contact each other to arrange these groups. Not usually. It's not like they're trying to leave me. Don't worry.