Fall Haiku

I wrote this while in a class late last year, when the leaves had been mostly freed from the trees and began to become sound effects on walks.

All the falling leaves

Slowly fluttering downward

Crunching underfoot

Reviews

[BillM]

First off this is a haiku but a bit wordy. I understand you are trying to write a 5/7/5 syllable count and you can do this with less words. We want the reader to experience what you saw at the time that you seen the leaves fall. When we use words like falling, fluttering, crunching it puts the experience in the past. I will attempt to show you what I mean.

the leaves fall
slowly fluttering downward
crunches underfoot

I left line two as is because it works perfectly
I changed line three crunching to crunches as crunches is happening in the here and now. In haiku it is the image you want your reader to see over a syllable count... Image is everything