Battle Cries and Surrenders

Another lyrics. :)

Give me a little spoon to taste a piece
of the universe.
I want a piece of the moon in the skies
of sweet regrets.

The backseat of my life is as empty
as your head have been
You've been trying to say it all
But I don't listen,
I can't hear - anything.

The silence shouts -
I should surrender.

Now the windy storm came
and gently froze my soul
"No matter how far we can go -
We are made to be alone"
But then again who have said that?

I have a battle cry and
It's called "love".

Smoke in my eyes and
a glass of wine to drown
my thoughts away
All the human attempts -
Failure to feel decent
And here I am
Waiting for my next decay.

No matter how much we love someone
we are made to be be alone -
Sanity's gone, sanity.

Being cool one day the next hundred -
I'm dull.
Sanity's gone, sanity.

I try to say it out loud - will whisper instead
How do I free myself of the need
of needing you?

The silence shouts - I should surrender.
But then again who have said that?

I have a battle cry and it's called "hope".
Dry all your tears - your voice is for real.
Dry all your tears - let the rain cry purity.

Reviews

[Shelby]

Very lovely. I love the back and forth of this, mirroring the back and forth of the mind. I love you, but it doesn't matter because we're all alone, but then again, who believes that, etc. It's a very relateable sentiment. You strike a good rhythm and keep it going throughout, so even though this is mostly free verse, you can get into the beat and go along. poems don't need rhymes to be good, and you proved that. My favorite lines were:

"I try to say it out loud - will whisper instead
How do I free myself of the need
of needing you?"

The double use of the word "need" was very clever (I'm fascinated by word play at the moment and it is something you excel at) I did notice some grammar problems, but others seemed to have touched on this pretty thoroughly, so I'll leave it up to them. I love reading your work, as always, and I am always impressed with the emotion you put so beautifully to words. Well done, and thank you for sharing this with me.

[howlfjdks]

Rebirth into a new reality. Moving on into unknown lands in our soul.

[JanuaryDreamer♥]

W-O-W! Oh my gawd! :D This poem was awesome! Like, no joke!!! This poem really blew me away and it was really well written, I havent read good poems like this in a while :) well done!

[Steph's Script]

Very nice piece. Great use of language. The only criticism I truly have is the "have" words you put at the end of some of your last sentences in certain stanzas. Like, when you say, "the back seat of my life is as empty as your head have been," shouldn't it be "has?" Same for when you say, "But then again who have said that," shouldn't it be "has" again there? Just wanted to make sure it was a typo or something. Besides that, your piece was great.

[Coyote Poetry]

Wisdom in these words. We can't allow the world to stop us from our goals and dreams. The last set of lines I like a lot.
"I have a battle cry and it's called "hope".
Dry all your tears - your voice is for real.
Dry all your tears - let the rain cry purity."
A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[trainwreck]

This had an interesting flow and pattern... good job.

[KAREN]

Very sad, and intense! Great job on letting the emotions flow!