Black Rose

One of my favorites that I've wrote, so far. Lyric wise.

Life is like a black rose All it's beauty in the shadows, In the depths of its deception Lay perfection in the hallows, As it swallows--- ---Your tomorrow Feel rejection slowly follow, When you're livin for a lesson Lets reflection slowly wallow;

Cause it's you--- ---That you see When you're walking down the street, And you're beggin for a biscuit Cause you gots nothing to eat, So you're looking in the windows At the man that you'll defeat, But he lay there old and brittle Bound by shackles at his feet;

Can't you see?--- ---That it's you After all you made it through, (yeah) Chained to your mistakes And the words you never proved, So you run to new tomorrows But tomorrow never moves, (so) You wake with all your sorrows You refuse to ever lose;

So you paint another picture Of the world you want to see, (yeah) A mixture of perplection Blistered thoughts of agony, In the wake of your destruction It's these thoughts you're gonna leave, (yeah) These fixtured sweet perfections Of deceptions misery; (so) ~~[Chorus]~~ Black rose Black rose Tell me who to follow, When I'm tryna find my place But it all ends up in sorrow, I will run to new tomorrows But by dawn I gotta face it, I've been runnin all my life Tryna chase the days I wasted, All the hearts that I degraded When I'd feel a little faded, Yeah mentally and physically Emotionally deflated, I cant say that--- ----So I'll pray that Though I know these words--- ---Cant take back, All the moments come to pass Like a black rose born of hatred.

Author's Note

Review!!!! Even if you didnt like it lol let me know why!

Reviews

[ranscan]

Strong imagery, there is power strewn in the path of this work. As its structured for lyrics, there is so much which is done to create flow and fit within the application to a musical score, much of which might be found unacceptable in a poem, and as far as lyrics go, this has some applied thought to the communication and depth of the ideas.
I find one issue though, perhaps its nothing, yet I find no hook, no resounding statement that can be returned to in the chorus. The body of this piece I believe requires a greater chorus, a better companion that will grab the listener's mind and twist it's way into every part of their existence.

[gentlekindness]

Love this one. Excellent emotion in the lyrics.
Reminded me of things from my past.
Great song.
Annie💕

[Ethan Chase]

This is very pretty! I would be very curious to hear it set to music.

[R.E.K.]

Wicked good! If it fits in the tune, adding another "tell me" to the chorus as in " Tell me tell me who to follow" might add balance.

-Ellie

[Riss Ryker]

Excellent! What genre of music would this fall under? Love this!

[Valentine]

Your first 2 lines are beautiful. Some of your wording I love, others probably because of our age difference I would have preferred others used in their place. You have the talent and it will grow as you do as a writer. Just keep writing. Valentine