Sorrow

To feel death breathing down your neck,
To feel the cold touch of a dead loved one before you lay them down to rest,
To feel the weights of Lies and Despair pull you down to the bottom of a sea of depression,
To take the love of another man and lock it into a cage of twisted, mangled, and thorned vines that snare and strike at the dove,
To take a breath and wish you hadn't,
To see the raven and greet it as a friend,
To walk down these hallowed halls and to the gallows of despair,
To know that around the corner you will find nothing but regret but you trudge on to try and find a way out of the darkness that holds you to this scornful earth.

Author's Note

Ignore text errors just tell me how you feel about the writing.

Reviews

[Tom McRoberts]

I think this has the beginnings of a great piece. There's an underlying acceptance and ownership of depression that separates this from a lot of other poems about misery. I like the repeating 'to's, they remind me of Rudyard Kipling's 'If', which is a good thing. Both poems are after all about how to exist in the world.
The imagery could do with being a little more concrete, however. 'Gallows of despair' and 'scornful earth' are both lovely sounding--but they fail to strike a chord emotionally because they are too abstract (I understand the concept of 'despair', but I am stirred to feeling it by reading the word). If you were to say something along the lines of 'intestinal gallows' you could provoke a lot more feeling.
The base for a great poem is here, and I believe that through further editing and experimentation you will be able to reach it. Keep it up, man!

[lonewolf225]

Thank you for the review! I believe it will help me not only in this poem but in many others.

[ANTO]

Im intrigued by the capitalisation of Lies and Despair

I thought seeing the word despair repeated later in 'gallows of despair' wasnt ideal.
I loved the labyrinthine imagery at the end - captures lifes drudgery excellently.

I wondered about the saying 'sweet sorrows' during this - is there such a thing - I thought, well what about watching a son/daughter go off to University or to their honeymoon to make a new or better life for themselves.

Intriguing and thought stirring LoneWolf - yep... indeed...
Thanks for sharing this.

[lonewolf225]

I'm glad you saw that lies and despair where capitalized i wanted to describe them as people or things if you will. Thank you for the review!!!

[ANTO]

Ah right, personifying them as two ghouls who grab a hold and keep us down. Cool one LoneWolf. Thanks for explaining that to me. I appreciate the feedback.
Your welcome for the review.

[lonewolf225]

thank you!!

[ObSeRvEd]

i love it..deep stuff...you're talented...your writin speaks to me

[lonewolf225]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked the poem!

[Thesecuts]

wow this is fantastic.

[lonewolf225]

Thank you!!

[WolfyZara]

It expresses a feeling and i like it but it is also sad. It makes me feel like doing things better. To try my best and not to fail