Dark emotions

4/23/18

I have dark emotions running through my mind, 

Thoughts I've had for years start to resurface, 

I don't want to keep hiding behind this smile, 

I want to be happy again, 

I want to feel alive again inside. 

I pull out the razor and set it on the table, 

I stare at it hearing my fathers words, 

"What the hell do you think you're doing to yourself, are you stupid?"

That fight runs through my head often when I get in this space, 

Honestly its the only thing that keeps me from putting the razor to my skin, 

Its as if the razors a drug, I want to be the one who causes my pain, 

I'm sick of my pain being from others, I'm sick of being hurt by the ones I love. 

But I put the razor away, knowing its the right thing to do. 

Knowing I don't really want those scars, 

They aren't worth it. 

So I'll keep writing and putting my emotions out there that way, 

A healthy way.