why, just why

Growing up in a toxic yet loving household has gotta be one of the meanest things ever.

Of course my family loved me, but heir actions are always so backhanded. 

And I never know if its gonna be a good day or not. And if I pointed out something 

I became the problem, it was all my fault. I never realized how abnormal the behavior was

until I saw other parents with kids and think "why I never been hugged like that? why was I 

never shown affection at all?" was I overreacting or being manipulated?

I don't think my grief will ever be understood and will live as a thorn in my heart eternally.