Another Day in the USA

My journey through the myriad of emotions of this day, 7/8/2016, in the aftermath of violence.

Okay, pour out those feelings you've stored in your heart
When the news sucker-punched you, again.

When you saw the headline (double-take and flashback),
And your hand reached for the paper before you could stop it.

When your body moved, mesmerized, to the iPad
To find out what you will never know.

When the car radio tuned itself to CBS
Like a possessed machine.

When your friend wept at lunch,
And you listened,
Then lost her cool,
And you listened again.
When the two of you embraced, pledging to love,
Pledging to No More:
Us/Them
Allies/Enemies
Right/Wrong
Language that divides us
Binds us
Condemns us
Rewards us

My trusted tears, where have you gone?

Flat, asthmatic, choking on dust I can not see,
Only my body is with me
To express
What I feel.

After only three articles--
Rapid-fire pain shot into my side:
I stood, willing it into the earth, willing to release.
It subsided.

Moving upward to my chest, a dull ache, as if bound too tight:
I breathed in, remembering I am okay, safe.

Throat tightening like the premonition of being choked to death:
I spoke, and there were words in my mouth. The chokehold receded to
Bruise marks that would soon fade.

Head throbbing, too much harsh, unnatural light, a stroke in the making:
I wrote and the emerging migraine fled.

Feet full of walked-for-miles pain, restricted, picking up a cane to walk:
I kicked off my shoes, felt my feet on the ground, shot roots down to be strong.
Strong, like my friends, the trees.

Tired now. Too tired to sleep.
No more news
No more pain
No more hate

I have no right to be spent by a war I have not fought -
But I am.

I have no right to grieve as if I have lost all my brothers this week,
Brothers not related to each other,
Who never knew each other.
But I do.

I have no reason to feel threatened by every side of a civil war as if I am caught in the middle of it.
Or so I tell myself.

Finally, what do I feel:
I am afraid.

And I intentionally replace that feeling with faith:
"Under the shadow of the Almighty"
There, I am safe.

Author's Note

Stream of consciousness, free-write, just to tell someone. Thank you for listening.

Reviews

[Teddybearlee]

Absolutely powerful, a wonderful expression of emotions of what is happening in this country. It is NOT something that can be ignored and swept under a rug, and everyone should feel something for it. If only more people felt the hurt being generated as you express it, the damage being done, it hurts not only those directly involved, but us as a whole, as your pain shows. I hope your faith, and the faith of many others brings peace not just to you, but to the world, before "we" destroy it.

[Marianne Rose]

As I wrote to Coyote, I saw too that we cannot sweep our collective pain under the rug, as you say, but must bear it together, as one body feeling what we have wrought with our ignorance. In the humility of realizing what we create is ours together to experience, I am both the offender and the victim, in every story, then we also find the power, with help from all sentience to create also the peace and love that is waiting. We are trapped in a cycle of hurt and reparations for wrongs done, as if each individual is dealt with separately. But we are one, and only in that faith that we will break this cycle and unite as one, in spirit and in truth, can we, as a whole, feel safe again, and transform these repetitive patterns into something newer and brighter than we have known before. Thank you for being here, to listen and reflect, to help me see and take the next step in my journey, as we all must find the part we play in our collective journey.

[Coyote Poetry]

A hard and scary world my friend.
"Tired now. Too tired to sleep.
No more news
No more pain
No more hate "
I pray for peace daily. What have we left for the children? Thank you for sharing your powerful and needed words.
Coyote

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you Coyote. I realize that as we move these feelings and reactions through us and outward, there comes a place where peace is possible. I also pray for peace, but this body holds so many experiences, weighing the consciousness and desire to bring what could be, that first I must feel what happens in my body and soul when there is a breach, then I can begin to invite a shared experience that provides healing, a place where we can meet in peace, safely. I am so full of my own responses to the world I live in, I am blinded to what can be, if we form a unity of spirit. So first, the darkness, then light comes. Gratefully, I find it returning to me today as I begin to re-enter a world of strangers who I can choose to fear or love. Today, the fear withdraws after spending time under the protective shadow of something higher and more expansive than I am alone. And peace abides in me and walks with me like a guardian companion. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

[Coyote Poetry]

We cannot forge peace. We cannot know fear. I believe if we lead with concern, kindness and love. Maybe we can change our world. Even if one person at a time.

[Marianne Rose]

Yes, one heart at a time, with kindness and love for all.

[Celie Rose]

I liked your poem. Feelings were well expressed. Fear, grief, anger and hopelessness. It is okay to experience these emotions as long as you have faith, hope and love. Hold tight to them."And I intentionally replace that feeling with faith:
"Under the shadow of the Almighty. There, I am safe."
Well done. Keep writing.

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you for your affirmation of what I believe also, despite all the chaos and fear, yes, faith holds strong, love even stronger, I believe. Your comments and reading are much appreciated.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is more my style of write...the free verse stream ...and wow, this is powerful
not only grasps the feelings of recent events, it reminds us how almost every day we are glued to the news about another new wave of violence...grieving is getting to be a habit...

and someone told me not too long ago that the world is a safer place than it used to be...i just don't see it.

People Matter....all people Matter...but some just don't believe in that...life means nothing to them.

[Marianne Rose]

Thanks so much J., so glad it doesn't read like a self-immersed journal that others can't relate to. I do a lot of journal writing too, sometimes hard to tell what would matter to anyone else - what's prose poetry and journal writing. Anyway, I appreciate you joining me in my day's journey and relating to it. I think people who say it was much worse when . . . Well, first, they probably weren't there, and second, we all have our ways to cope, and denial is a pretty common one. And yes, all people matter, all creatures matter, our earth matters. A lot of things people aren't getting fast enough for me these days. But there I go with the US/THEM that my friend and I promised not to do. Got to write some on that, when I'm not too tired . . . Really appreciate you using the word powerful, because it feels that way to me. And, thanks to this poem, reading it aloud to my husband, the tears came back. I worry when they go too far from me on these kind of days.