Suspended

I am uneasy when my heart feels numb, even when I can embrace a perspective of the soul. Three parts of me- heart, soul, and the small self that walks through the world. All are authentic and real.

I rest upon the surface
of calm misty waters,
reflecting each day's gracious sunlight.
My greeting fills you with hope;
gentleness ministers to your hidden wounds
without touch;
kindness transforms your rage
to undeclared, submerged sadness.

But under the surface of our connection,
there lives a heart so broken by
your stories and despair,
I could willingly drown in sorrow with you.

And above all, there floats an
iridescent soul
knowing all things,
with unshaken resolve
to build a bridge for my heart to cross over.

This small self,
captured between heart and soul,
suspended in time eternal,
cannot choose:

To dive deep into the waters of compassion,
and thus grieve unceasingly;
or to embrace transcendence,
rising slowly upward,
above this human plight.

"Heart, what are you feeling?"
I whisper, sending love to accompany my curiosity.
"Nothing" she whispers back.
The injection of anesthesia from the soul
has not worn off.
I visit my heart, silently accepting
the nothingness pervading her natural state.
"Soul, what have you done?"
The answer floats downward,
"A heart can only take so much."

Author's Note

I am a bit of a lonely poet, moving through the world as light-hearted and faithful, yet daily aware of what lies under the surface. I share this just because of that loneliness- who else but other poets would hear and understand?

Reviews

[. serah .]

~ i don't suffer from this pain and the reason is that i lean on the idea that life shrinks to the day we are in and maybe the previous day and our plans for the next day... ~ it doesn't really matter if i have spectacular memories embedded in the time gone by or spectacular plans for the future... ~ in this moment in time, i am here... trying to study the body of work of a poet on a writing site... to gain insights and to share insights... all of which will add to a comprehensive view of the human psyche and the human condition... ~ i too have gory stories of suffering but do i want to linger in them and drain out someone's reservoir of compassion...? i don't think so... ~ i'd like to live better and spread peace... not in a frivolous way which belittles someone's pain but in a way that helps in healing... ~ mourning and grieving are a part of healing but not the entire content of healing... ~ if you read about how people are helped when a natural disaster strikes, the three words that come up are 'rescue', 'relief' and 'rehabilitation'... (usually in that order)... ~ my understanding is that sharing pain is a part of the 'rescue' stage...

[Marianne Rose]

Very insightful review- you do hit it on the mark- my husband and I are called to the "rescue" stage- hence the compassion fatigue, which I can heal in solitude. We both emanate an energy that attracts people who are looking for rescue- in the beginning we fought this, then just accepted it is part of our natures. Became more skilled by getting training . . . What wears me out the most is when I tune into the suffering in the world- being a sensitive empty, I see, feel or dream vividly what others are going through. Sometimes the world combined with the work I do just makes the perfect storm for compassion fatigue. I think if I were out there, traveling to places and people I see, there would be opportunity to walk in grace with helping . . . A rescuer who is restrained from rescuing is more painful and strenuous that actually acting in the rescue. Thanks for your review- it brings some clarity for me to understand that I am not placed in the 2nd and 3rd stages, but called to the 1st stage, after which I must learn to let go.

I am glad you are called to peace- some of us have to pour out the painful accumulation of grief before we can embrace peace of mind. That's when the rescuer needs to be rescued!

[Carrie Ann G]

Emotions and human experiences can be so overwhelming and powerful especially the negative ones. As a writer and especially as poet, we tend to be empaths; absorbing everything around us until we either go mad or break down and bleed our heart and soul on paper.

[Marianne Rose]

Yes, I guess that's why I've been writing nonstop since the Florida tragedy, and why I joined this site- I have no desire to let madness creep in to my life. The ripple effect would be disastrous. And I wasn't born to this planet to let my light be snuffed out by darkness, as so many other sensitives have experienced. Thanks for understanding.

[Inject Positivity]

What I have learned from my 21 years life is that "if you can't get a miracle, become one", you and I may not have money to help someone but our lifelong experience of life can help someone to live again... We as Poets and writers write our experiences and the ways we have conquered life's battles on our works just to help to those who are in need of guidance in that situation... A compassionate heart can save a life... We may have pain but our pain can be a miracle for someone else...

A very insightful and honest write frnd and I thank you for keep inspiring us...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Marianne Rose]

I love your review- "a compassionate heart can save a life" and "we may have pain but our pain can be a miracle for someone else"- you not only understand, you also hold these values that I try to live by. Thank you for your words, and your compassion that today is beginning to breathe life into a weary heart that knows it still has a purpose here to fulfill.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you know what Sylvia Plath said?

"readers want to know from someone who has been there and felt the worst"

that is because poets have been there, and they understand...and especially each other.

i get you...i get this...and i feel it because i write to understand life, and hopefully to help others understand it one way or another...your poetry gives us perspective.

j.

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you so much J. Between the world, my struggling students and the convention, well . . . You know. I feel heard and understood by you, and as the anesthesia wears off, it makes a lot of difference in my life. I deeply appreciate your being there to share this perplexing journey with, and write back and forth in poetry and reflections about the undercurrents and perceptions that people just don't talk about. My heart feels a little lighter after reading your words. Peace, brother.