Crooked Horizon

What do you know about the man who risks his life for you?

Cold sweat wakes him tonight

He can't believe what he's become

Nothing soothing in his sight

He cannot face what he has done

 

His life is a fear he cannot face

He has nowhere to run

He turns himself and walks alone

Down the crooked horizon

 

Some will say he's a coward

Many will tatter his name

But the few who understand him

They see it everyday

 

So say what you want against him

If it makes your soul feel right

But for once think of where he is

When you fall asleep tonight

Reviews

[M_S_Lay]

I really like this one Mick.. Well done

[Niki Disaster]

This one made me think a lot about myself; and how I often feel persecuted by those around me for something that I feel so comfortable doing. Or I often persecute myself for my own actions. The rhyming flows very well; it reads smoothly. The opening line is very powerful, and it does a great job for setting the mood and tone of the over all piece.

[M@]

I enjoy this piece. It's something I think most people know about, yet don't ever think about. Hidden courage is apparent everyday in the smallest of situations, and half of the time, no one ever realizes it.

I enjoy rhyme schemes like this coupled with such context. It gives the topic a lofty feeling, nearly satirical (although I imagine you don't feel satirical about the subject at all). You pull this off nicely, so pat yourself on the back for that.

However, having such a rhyme scheme like this also requires a rigorous pattern of syllables and a good flow to how the poem is read/spoken. There are a few points in this poem where the flow is disturbed by being either too long or too short. I'd suggest reading this aloud to yourself at least one, and if it sounds funny, play around with it. Not a "bad" thing, but just a little funky: if you're not happy with it, play around with it a bit and see what you come up with.

Overall a nice piece, I enjoyed it, truly.

[KEi]

I like this.
Very nice. It's painting a picture in my mind (for want of a better phrase- that one couldn't be more cliched).
Not much poetry really does that for me.

Also, while I'm here; Welcome to WritersCafe.
:)

[Brandon Dunbar]

Very nicely written. Good job.