The pondering of an average man

The day where your ideals clash with the realities of the world, all color fades away from your life. 

Fiction and facts are thrown into a whirlwind of confusion, and your mind is seized by a sense of terror. 

All the things you once held close to your feeble heart become subjected to that fear, and you begin to doubt even your own existence. 

Then, the "what ifs" emerge at the forefront of your thoughts: "What if the world ended in the blink of an eye? What if the sun stopped bestowing its warmth and glow? What if the earth suddenly stood still? What if my loved ones all left me for another life? What if God is not dead and still sits upon his throne, cracking his whip in an attempt to tame mankind? What if I died without leaving behind anything for others to remember me by?" 

The next step is for you to find an answer to such questions. Thus begins your incessant quest for a meaning in this seemingly hollow world that differs so much from your own ideals. 

You begin to dig lest there is something hidden underneath layers of mud beneath the earth's surface. Yet digging seems to be fruitless, and even in the earth's deepest corners, there exists no secret treasure, just an all encompassing darkness. Disappointed and confused, you stop digging and climb back to the surface with empty hands. Where must you look now, you poor, poor, fellow? 

You become a nomad as you wander aimlessly through the streets, searching every nook and cranny for something meaningful to hold on to. After a while, a concrete wall attracts your attention. You stand in front of it  with your eyes fixated on that blank canvas, awaiting the answers to appear on the wall's surface. Behind you, passersby turn their heads and dart doubtful gazes in your direction, for unlike them who tread their paths -slowly but surely- towards a certain goal, you are standing in one place. They look at you and smile sympathetically. Some even try to push and force you to move. But strangers have no place in a world where there is only enough space for you and your wall. 

For what seems like an eternity, you stare at the wall and wait for an answer. Yet this too proves to be a pointless expedition of the mind. Suddenly, you hear laughter from behind, and it is as if the icy sheath that encloses your heart begins to melt. You turn around with excitement to find the source of that laughter, but all you can see now is a figure in the distance. You scream and ask the figure to turn back. It stops, but only to turn around and wave. It then shakes its head and disappears into the fog. 

You stand alone in your corner, but the thought of looking at the wall for another second fills you with disgust. Thus you turn around and walk away. 

After all this searching, what have you really gained? What is it that you have accomplished by believing in your ideals? You dug a deep hole and found nothing. You stood still and pondered, but the answers never came. It is now time to take a step. It is time to walk the same path that others are walking. It is time to remain by their side and not turn away from them. It is time to fall in love with their smiles and embrace their kindness. Then maybe, just maybe, you will find your ideals hidden within the smile of a human being who truly is capable of loving you. It is time to prance and dance, for no words will emerge on the wall, no matter how long you stand still. 

But what if those people do not truly love you? What if they are secretly planning to stab you in the back and betray your trust? What if you were wrong in putting your faith in their hands? 

Ah, all these confusing thoughts! My friend, I can see it in your eyes that you miss your hole and your solitary corner, for maybe that is where you truly belong.