Fantasy

This poem is about a friend of mine and how i dealt with her bad relationship with a guy

A room of broken toys
Darkness dank and mold
An old and tattered cage
With this little thing it holds

 

A little bright caged bird
Crying to be her own
Yet she is not so old
As to fly away from home

 

Yet she spread her wings and tried
To fly out of her cage
Her walls closed in too soon
Unleashing a horrid rage

 

I love you little bird
It is all that i can say
For you see another world
You live in fantasy

 

Here comes a snake who likes
The taste of little birds
His tricks decieve her heart
And fills it up with words

 

His black heart spills black words
Which linger in her eyes
She thinks that hurt's ahead
But this snake bites from behind

 

The anger that you feel
Comes not out of your cage
But from your fantasy
Disguising the deadly snake

 

I love you little bird
I pray you can hear me
The world in which you sit
Is destroyed by your fantasy

 

A little bright caged bird
Tainted now with black
She is not yet old
But she's never coming back

 

She spread her wings and tried
To fly out of her cage
The walls all broke apart
Unleashing that horrid rage

 

I will never say it
And I will never write
The ending to this tale
And the little bird's last flight

 

I loved you little bird
I wish you could have seen
Your death: it laid inside
Your world of fantasy

Author's Note

my friend did not really die, but i had to kill her emotionally

Reviews

[Pakino]

This is really great. I like how the poem had a story to it, instead of a typical poem which dwells on one idea. Really great first one I read so far and I like it a lot.

Also when I read it again, without reading what it was about I realized it was something about a relationship. Love the idea of using a bird to symbolize what happened.

Pak

[Winslow Des Totes]

Some people commit emotional suicide so it is only fair that others kill them when they deserve it! Awesome write! Great job!

[Christina May Shanaberg]

I, usually, go to a writer's earlier posts; that is where you, always, find the good stuff. You didn't disappoint me. You have created a lovely gem, here. I really enjoyed this poem and it was so well written. So many times in life, we just have to sit back and watch, as the inevitable happens.

[Edalene Connell]

I like this, the emotions and everything was wonderful.

[emmajoy]

This is an incredible piece of work... you've expressed so much in it, made it into a fine poem, but, the theme is tragic... you've created a story within a poem which flows so well.

Somehow it reminds me of an opera... a tragic tale with a distinct melody. I read it aloud like one of your other reviewers and was amazed to hear the words descant and blend. Guess the final four lines says it all... a sad situation, emotionally damning in its way...

'I loved you little bird
I wish you could have seen
Your death: it laid inside
Your world of fantasy'


Thank you for sharing a fine piece of work.

[ElJays Nicholas]

The dynamics of this poem work on many different levels. For you, it is about a friend you had to kill emotionally. For someone else, he or she could place just about anyone in the position of the bird and the snake. You have captured very effectively the Little Red Riding Hood mentality, of innocence lost and ravaged. Yet, it is her own naivete which kills her in the end, and not really the serpent. It speaks of how much we must learn and become aware of. Nicely done.....

[Justin Tobey]

Interesting rhyme scheme! It doesn't look like it rhymes, but, when said aloud, it does! I think the metaphor was really good too! Great job!!!

[Rambling Prose]

I love your style of writing. Your word choices painted a beautiful picture of a sad tale. I hope to write like this one day because it's truly what I find myself drawn to reading and falling in love with!

Beautiful work...

[Sarah]

Nice poem! I liked the use of the snake & the bird to describe the girl and her eeeevil lover. >:D Ahem, yes, good job! And nice use of rhyme! :)