My first heartbreak

And there will has been days when I think I’m still in love with you, days that I will do everything that is in my power not to reach out to you and tell you I want to forget all the bad and that I need you in my life but then I realize that the “you” I remember isn’t really you anymore and maybe it never was so I’ll just be stuck there missing someone that never really existed, and I think this might be sadder than how i’m feeling. But I really miss you, and not in some nostalgic way but in a painful way, in a way that I can write about it every day for years and still not have found the words to describe it.
And maybe because what we had was like a stalemate, neither of us won yet both of us lost and the worst part is that unshakable feeling that nothing was really ever finished. So I guess this is all we will ever be, an incomplete sentence or an unfinished story where the heroes die, and it hurts more than you can ever think.
Maybe that’s the reason why I find everything I lost in those cigarettes and the seduction in it, the pain and then entering the curls and emerging from a gentle cloud reminding me of you.
I don’t know if it’s the memory of you that draws me in, or the attraction to something that I know is bad for me but wouldn’t let go.
Perhaps they are the same thing.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

When love steal our heart. The feeling cannot be stopped. I liked the honest thoughts in the poem. Some people, we shall never forget. Thank you Mariam for sharing your wonderful words.
Coyote