First Love

I wrote this poem for a girl that I love. Though I've never showed it to her. Hope you like it

Her eyes shine like scorching fire, in the dark of the night. 

Her hair so smooth and long like a passive river.

 Though I might find myself in turbulence, she gives me hope,

 And when all seems to be lost, her soft embrace give me strength.

Author's Note

Hope you guys enjoy the poem! :)

Reviews

[Closing Thoughts]

Very sweet little love poem! I like the emphasis on the physical; her looks and the way she makes the narrator feel. First loves are often more of the physical than anything else. But the soft embrace giving the narrator hope gives the poem a sort of kind innocence.

My only recommendation for this would be to perhaps change the word 'shine' in the first line to maybe 'blaze' or something of the sort. Fires don't really 'shine'. Or, instead of comparing her eyes to fire, compare them to the moon (because the moon 'shines'." So maybe "Her eyes shine like the moon in the dark of night," or "Her eyes blaze like a scorching fire in the dark of night" would work a little better.

Other than that, this poem is very nice. Thank you so much for sharing it.

[closed]

you've managed to embed a lot of emotion in such brevity
good job with this